Battle of the sexes
A female Marine commander says fighting sexism in the military has been the biggest war of her life
BYthe time I took command of the Marine Corps’ Fourth Recruit Training Battalion in June 2014, I had been in the military for about 17 years. Throughout my career I always held myself and my Marines to high standards. But before I took charge of the-battalion — the-only-all-female-unit-in-the entire Department of Defense andthe only place where female Marines are made—my predecessor warned meabout the women in the unit, saying “They’ re either baking you cupcakes or on your couch in tears.”
I remember thinking, Wait. What? Wasn’t this the Marine Corps, the toughest of all of the branches of the US military?
I was initially shocked, but I soon realized that her comment neatly summed up the cultural landscape of the Marines. After all, it is the only branch of the military to have maintained segregated recruit training due to the prevailing view that women are inherently more emotional and less physically and mentally capable than men and therefore can’t handle the pressures of training alongside them. In fact, senior leaders insist that segregation is the only way to create confidence in female recruits, setting the tone for how female Marines are treated by their male counterparts long after they leave the recruit depot. And despite being the smallest service with the fewest women, the Marine Corps has the highest rates of sexual assault, harassment and retaliation of all branches of the US military.
I quickly learned that segregation reinforced negative stereotypes about women and resulted in lowered expectations for their performance.
When I got to Fourth Battalion, I discovered that, for decades, the female recruits had underperformed in every training category compared to the male recruits, including academics, physical fitness and the rifle range. There had been at least 20 female commanders in charge of Fourth Battalion before me, but none of these women had thought to question why their recruits underperformed year after year. As a member of the service that prides itself on having the highest standards of all of the branches of the US military, this didn’t make sense to me.
When I became vocal about systemic gender bias in how women were recruited and trained at Parris Island, I was fired. A blatant example of benevolent sexism, my senior leaders said that I was mean because I held my recruits to higher standards for performance and conduct.
But even in the humiliation of the moment, I had to admit my own culpability in ignoring the problems that have existed in the Marine Corps for years. The reality was that in my struggle to fit in with my male counterparts, I had been willfully blind to sexist behavior I had witnessed and personally experienced throughout my career. Just as my predecessor at Fourth Battalion perpetuated a negative stereotype when she used the “tears or cupcakes” analogy to describe her female drill instructors, I had been complicit in perpetuating the cycle of harassment and sexism because I was afraid if I spoke up, I wouldn’t fit in.
Looking back, I am ashamed. I failed to recognize that when you are the minority in a hyper-masculine culture, fitting in is an impossible task. All too often, female military members avoid other service women who are perceived as “trouble” for fear that we will be painted with the same brush. Because we are worried about perception, we don’t share lessons learned from our own struggles and failures with other women. Rather than lifting young women up, we abandon them and force them to navigate the complexities of being in the extreme minority on their own.
In my view, this is the worst type of leadership failure.
It’s why writing “Fight Like AGirl” was so important to meand my co-author, Kelly Kennedy. We want women to know that if they experience sexism, harassment or gender bias, it does not mean they are weak or at fault. Our hope is that the story of my struggle against gender bias and sexism in the Marine Corps will create a bridge between civilian and military women by demonstrating that the issues we face are the same.
Countless studies have shown that sexual assault, harassment and gender bias are not the automatic result of men and women working together, but happen when leaders fail to establish a culture of respect and accountability. It’s time to start holding Marine leaders accountable for setting conditions that will allow both men and women to achieve success, in any job and any unit, including boot camp.