High-octane heist turns petty larceny
Like a cubic-zirconia knockoff, this “Ocean’s” update looks the part but just ain’t got that sparkle. Frustrating, given the glittery cast headed by Sandra Bullock as Debbie Ocean, sister of George Clooney’s Danny.
Director Gary Ross (“The Hunger Games”) capably channels the swingin’ style of Steven Soderbergh’s “Ocean’s” films as Debbie’s released from prison and jumps immediately back into the life. Her partner in crime is Lou (Cate Blanchett), a nightclub owner who specializes in having amazing bangs and watering down the vodka.
Soon, Debbie’s long-planned jewel theft, tied to the Met Gala, is underway. The process of assembling her team is the first hint you’ll need to lower your expectations; this screenplay, by Ross with Olivia Milch, relies more on familiarity with personas than actual wit. Cool, it’s Rihanna as a blunt-smoking hacker; yes, Helena Bonham Carter’s designer does seem an awful lot like Betsey Johnson. Newcomer Awkwafina is engaging as a card-sharp pickpocket but doesn’t get any memorable lines. Sarah Paulson, as the fence, and Mindy Kaling, as the jeweler, have few discernible personality traits.
The MVP is Anne Hathaway as preening actress Daphne Kluger, from whose neck the coveted necklace will be purloined. The orgasmic noises she makes trying on the Cartier jewels are funnier than any of Ross’ dialogue.
A plan falls into place, although this one’s got implausible parts, such as “Get a job at Vogue.” Perhaps the supposition is that women just know how to do stuff like this. Bullock’s Debbie does give a great speech about doing it all for little girls who yearn to be jewel thieves. Fair enough, but I doubt “Ocean’s 8” will inspire any of them to be screenwriters.