HOW TO DATE LIKE A BOSS
Forget simply falling in love. According to some headhunters, the secret to finding “the one” in NYC is to treat it like a numbers game.
“The pure volume of daters [in the city means] you have to sift through them, similar to interviewing a ton of candidates for a job,” says Dandan Zhu, 30, the owner of recruitment firm DG Recruit in Midtown.
So to efficiently find the best possible romantic match, Zhu suggests acting like a boss hiring a new employee. Her suggestions are below.
1. Write down your dating goals
Just like when you’re mapping out your career, Zhu advises you to write down a list of things you’re looking for in a partner. “This lets you know whether or not your date fits your profile,” she says.
2. Scroll through their social media
An easy way to start filtering out your prospective matches is to comb through their social media: Instagram and LinkedIn. “When it comes to dating, we tend to look for people similar to us,” she says. Whether that means having similar socio-economic backgrounds, career paths or hobbies, Zhu says that screening matches’ online footprints will give you a clue as to whether or not that person is worth meeting in person.
3. Grab coffee, not dinner
Instead of investing in a multicourse meal or a round of drinks on a first date, meet your match for some coffee or matcha. “As a hiring manager you don’t want to be sucked into a full-day screener [with a candidate],” Zhu says. Scheduling a 30-minute coffee date gives you enough time to get to know your match before deciding if he’s worth another meeting. “That leaves you time and saves you cost if you’d like to cut the date short,” Zhu adds.
4. Ask strategic questions
A first date is not the time to beat around the bush. Zhu says you need to treat it like a formal interview and ask questions to see if you’re actually compatible. But don’t ask yes or no questions. Instead, ask open-ended questions so they can express how they truly feel. For example, if you want to confirm that he’s not a misogynist, instead of asking him “Do you respect women?” try “What’s your relationship like with your mom?” “You’ll need to eventually ask the tough questions that make sense based on what you’re looking for,” Zhu says.
5. Stick to the 90-day rebate policy
Most new hires have a 90-day probationary period, and Zhu says it takes just as long to get to know the person that you’re with. Once you hit the 90-day mark, she advises that you sit down and reflect on that person’s pluses and minuses and what value he adds to your life. “That’s their trial period,” Zhu says. “After that, you need to decide whether you want to continue dating this person seriously or not.”