BRAND SLAM

THOUGH Richard Brautigan’s 1967 counter-culture book “Trout Fishing In America” had little to do with trout fishing, this story comes closer.

Once upon a time, back when home run hitters, taking nothing for granted — back when modesty was considered an attribute — were too far past first to accept congrats from first-base coaches, MLB didn’t have marketing departments.

The best players, and for only the right reasons, were The Game’s stars. We knew them without trying. They didn’t need to be marketed, or as Rob Manfred suggested for Mike Trout, become “a brand.”

The only “marketing” I can recall is when MLB-partnered Topps cards foolishy began to Anglo-Saxonize Roberto Clemente by identifying him as “Bob” Clemente. It didn’t take.

Also back then, no TV network would ever hire the disreputable to represent their network and The Game. Pete Rose and Alex Rodriguez would be, again for only the right reasons, personas non grata. David Ortiz, regardless of whether he used PEDs, would have had no shot, given his vulgar public behavior.

Thus Manfred’s All-Star break plaint that Angels star Mike Trout “has made decisions on what he wants to do and doesn’t want to do, how he wants to spend his free time. I think we could help make his brand very big. But he has a decision to engage. It takes time and effort.”

The next question is easy: What prevents MLB from marketing — selling — Trout as a good example of the complete team player when such are trending extinct? Why can’t MLB do what Trout is hesitant to do?

So how would marketing strategists “brand” — remake — Trout to conform to modern code, the one that rewards those transparently starved for attention (see: Odell Beckham Jr.)?

First and foremost, Trout must cease running to first after he belts one deep. ESPN, Fox, MLB Network reward the posers — until they hit the now common “home run single.” Only then do they become foolish.

Why, after smashing one deep, would Trout merely toss his bat aside rather than flip it in majestic self-regard? He’d have to change that.

And he must stop trying to make contact on two strike pitches — cease trying to swing for a hit — and instead continue to swing for the exit-velocity, launch-angle fences. This season he has struck out fewer times than he has both hits and walks. The gall! Who does he think he is, Ted Williams?

For an added flourish, he should wear his cap tilted to one side to convey “attitude.”

After that? Some “social media” insults, put-downs, profanities. Start a beef with someone. Radio talk shows will provide him a full day’s feast.

After all, Trout can’t rely on Manfred’s MLB to do for him what MLB should be doing for baseball.