PERFECT ILLUSION

Although there’s no single cause of obsessive love, there are a few traits “incurable romantics” often share, psychotherapist Frank Tallis tells The Post. One of those is a tendency to buy into unrealistic, pervasive myths about love — fairy-tale fallacies that he believes put all lovers, not just extreme ones, at risk of relationship misery. Here, he shares three romantic delusions to rid yourself of, for the sake of your love life.

MYTH: You’re destined for each other.

TRUTH: Some people believe “that love is fated; that there is ‘[the] one’ for you,” Tallis says. It can make you ultra nitpicky when it comes to finding a partner or make you cling to unsuitable relationships. Don’t subscribe to romantic mysticism. Realize you can be happy with a number of people.

MYTH: You should have to suffer for true love.

TRUTH: “We tend to romanticize obstacles and think love isn’t real without them,” says Tallis, adding that pain doesn’t need to be part of the equation. “Sometimes, obstacles are just that — obstacles.” The Romeo and Juliet approach sets you up for failure by making you chase drama. There has to be a balance between normal sacrifices in a relationship and soapopera-style theatrics.

MYTH: Your lover can do no wrong.

TRUTH: “We are mortals and can’t be perfect,” says Tallis. When you idealize someone, you engage in “splitting” — separating the good from the bad and denying the bad part that inevitably exists. This blinkered vision is harmful and, in the extreme, is exhibited by stalkers and sufferers of De Clérambault’s syndrome.