DOODY CALLS

From K-box to TD squats, there's no logic or taste to be found

EVERY time we turn on the TV we’re treated like idiots. Then, when we turn the channel, we’re treated like idiots. Thursday night was a peach. In the first inning of the 4-hour, 13 pitchers, 11-6 Yankees loss to Boston, YES’ David Cone was under the spell of evil space aliens.

First he claimed Andrew “McCutchen would’ve scored on that [Aaron Hicks] double, right there,” had McCutchen not been thrown out stealing — as if one but not the other was predestined.

Cone followed with, “It’s not about stolen bases, it’s about how proficient you are at getting to the bag without being out.” Wanna read that back to me?

In the second, Christian Vasquez took a called strike on a Masahiro Tanaka pitch clearly seen — as per YES’ irrelevant, obstructed, liveview K-zone box — to have been completely wide of the plate.

Michael Kay, Paul O’Neill and Cone said nothing about that.

The next pitch was knee-high but again completely wide of that superimposed box. It, too, was called a strike. As Vasquez shook his head in disagreement, Kay casually said, “There’s a strike on the outside corner” — as if that K-box again didn’t show us what YES ensured we couldn’t miss.

“A perfectly located fastball,” said Cone.

Really? Then get rid of that idiotic box!

Why not, in 2018, show games clean, as they are? Why has TV, in its state of advanced but misapplied technology, determined for us that our live view be hidden behind artificial, inconsequential additives?

Though Boston-Yanks was free of malicious content, the night’s Jets-Browns was not.

After ex-Browns running back Isaiah Crowell scored for the Jets, he demonstrated what Roger Goodell encourages as “natural end-zone enthusiasm” by miming the cleansing of his rectum with the ball before throwing the “soiled” ball toward the crowd. He was penalized — big deal — and likely will be fined — big deal.

Fox’s Joe Buck and Troy Aikman made tsk, tsk, tsk, then back to a dreadful game.

Crowell arrived in the NFL following an arrest for carrying a handgun with the serial number chiseled out. He’s a two-college man, Georgia, from which he was tossed, then Alabama State.

With the Browns, he posted a posed Instagram of a police officer having his throat slashed by a hooded assassin.

But Jets fans, especially those with PSLs, are supposed to cheer for him.

In their opener, the Rams’ Marcus Peters, University of Washington man, “celebrated” a TD catch by grabbing his crotch. He was fined $13,000, which he said “was worth it” — he’s due more than $10 million through next season — because he was saluting two-time crotch-grabber Marshawn Lynch.

(The photo of Lynch’s NFC title game crotch-grab was sold by the NFL within a collage for $150.)

As for Peters’ performance, his coach, Sean McVay, excused the vulgar demonstration — the kind that further strips the game of its civility — as “fun and light-hearted” and “an inside joke,” which is where it should have remained. How would McVay have like it if we treated his family to such a “lighthearted” ambush?

And so new-era TD celebrations have included at least three crotch grabs, the use of the football as a rectum-cleanser, an anal defecation prop — Seattle WR Doug Baldwin during a Super Bowl — Odell Beckham Jr.’s mime of canine urination and a thumb’s-up from a head coach.

Clearly, the NFL doesn’t have a zero-tolerance policy on such at- tention-demanding behavior. just 15 yards and 13 grand.

That’s where Goodell’s $40 million per presence as a panderer with no active sense of preserving or restoring his sport is so disturbing.

Had he, from the first time Lynch grabbed his crotch, fined and suspended him then issued a strong, angry public statement that no player — no professional on his watch — will be suffered for placing the game in such conspicuous disrepute, would Lynch have been the first or the last?

And what would the NFLPA done, appealed on Lynch’s right to free expression?

And so the idiotic marches on, pointed straight down.