Weird BUT true

He’s gonna need a much bigger bowl.

A 9-pound goldfish was found swimming in Oak Grove Lake near Greenville, SC, by researchers studying the lake’s health and inhabitants.

“Anyone missing their goldfish?” county park officials quipped online with a photo of the supersized fish.

Goldfish can “grow to their environment,” but are usually kept in small containers, officials said.

Fishermen, reely?

Stop “butt-dialing” 911 while crouched over ice holes, the Beltrami County Sheriff ’s Office in Minnesota said after anglers flooded their emergency line “with a large number of pocket and ‘butt dial’ 911 calls” over the weekend. The cops urged fishermen to stash their cellphones more carefully or shut off their “SOS” setting.

Jiggling for Jesus. Pastor Jurgen Matthesius of Awaken Church in San Diego performed a faux striptease — peeling off his tie and waving it around lasso-style — to protest the state’s coronavirus policy that closes churches while allowing strip joints to stay open.

“We decided we are NOW AWAKEN FAMILY FRIENDLY STRIP CLUB!” he posted with a video.

These soldiers will be total fighting machines.

France’s military plans to develop bionic super soldiers that are resistant to pain and stress. The country’s Ethical Committee of the Armed Forces Ministry approved research on a microchip that releases calming substances into a person’s brain.

The nation is also developing pills to keep soldiers awake for longer.

A long-lost painting by a renowned 17th-century Flemish artist was found in plain sight — hanging in a drab city hall building.

Experts thought a Jacob Jordaens’ painting of “The Holy Family” in Saint-Gilles City Hall in Brussels was a copy. But a recent cultural-heritage study revealed it was actually the original, painted in the early 1600s.