HISSY OVER HUSSY

‘Mistress’ gets woked

The mistress is cracking the whip on language.

The Associated Press Stylebook, which has traditionally set standards for language usage within the media landscape, mystified Twitter users Tuesday when it tweeted a reality-bending, wrist-slapping admonishment.

“Don’t use the term mistress for a woman who is in a long-term sexual relationship with, and is financially supported by, a man who is married to someone else. Instead, use an alternative like companion, friend or lover on first reference and provide additional details later,” the tweet read.

It said nothing about “goomah.”

The announcement led many to wonder which mistress had taken control of the account and what is truly wrong with the word “mistress.”

It also spurred a joke-fest, with people tweeting alternatives to “mistress,” such as “side piece” or “homewrecker.”

NPR reporter Susan Davis tweeted, “His wife probably has some words she’d also like to use to describe her.”

Author and mathematician James Lindsay wrote:

“I call her whatever I want. You call her mom.”

The cheeky collegehoops commentary account @noescalators took the AP’s advice on word substitution, writing: “Rick Pitino and his companion got a brief tour of an Italian Restaurant,” referring to the 2003 incident during which the coach had sex with a woman on the table of a restaurant in Louisville, Ky.

Although it surfaced yesterday on social media, the AP Stylebook’s policy regarding “mistress” dates to 2016, when it said to avoid the word altogether because there was no male equivalent.

Then in 2020, the AP grew stronger in its woke feminist convictions, saying it was banning the word “mistress” because it was “archaic and sexist.”

It even provided a helpful example of an alternative: “Smith, who is married to someone else, was accused of embezzling funds to support his lover.”

That led to a round of skewering from media circles.

It’s unclear what sparked this latest woke epiphany — but mistresses everywhere must be thrilled at the opportunity to rebrand themselves in a more favorable light.