REAL ESTATE RAZZIES
The city’s most questionable building perks
AS a Manhattanite who’s been there and done that, I know my way around NYC’s most exclusive residences. From panoramic park views to amenities suites that would make a Saudi prince salivate, I’m tough to impress. So-called architectural achievements? Snooze. Gongs for selling out a billion-dollar building — who cares? But certain NYC towers are unignorable for reasons brokers hope to brush under the rug. So, instead, of regurgitating the same old praises for shiniest or most expensive, I’m handing out trophies to buildings that address the real (and dubious) needs of rich New Yorkers.
The overcompensation award:
Central Park Tower
Call it wannabe VIP BDE. Developers have erected so many ultra-tall residential skyscrapers in NYC, because they know that their ultra-rich clientele need a lot of compensation — and we’re not talking about money.
“Height is a powerful correlate of success in human form,” urban psychologist Colin Ellard told The Post. “There’s always been a cachet, and a competitive element [to height].”
According to Ellard, tall men on average have more education and bigger bank balances than short men. So it’s no surprise that men who are lacking a certain something would buy big and tall.
“[These buildings] are monuments to male power and dominance,” said Leslie Kern, author of “Feminist City.” “Toxic masculinity is embedded right into the form itself.”
The race for male enhancement began with the arrival of Extell’s 1,004-foot condo tower One57 on Billionaires’ Row in 2014. Hedge fund billionaire Bill Ackman spent $100 million on its tippy top. Then there was Macklowe’s 432 Park at 1,397 feet, nicknamed “a middle finger to New York’s skyline,” followed by 111 West 57th with fewer floors but taller, at 1,428 feet, and topped off by a triplex penthouse.
All of these ultra-tall skyscrapers are the architectural equivalents of a padded jockstrap — almost a quarter of the floors at 432 Park, for example, aren’t homes, but instead storage for mechanical or structural essentials, handily bulking up the overall height.
But the award-winner is Extell’s latest effort: Central Park Tower (above). It is currently the tallest residential building in the world with 98 floors and 1,550 feet in height. A duplex unit in the building is currently asking $150 million — the perfect cure for standing under 6 feet.
The best building for extramarital activities: 168 Plymouth
A cad in need of a new pad should choose carefully — especially if you want to hook up with a neighbor on the DL.
“Entrances are like orgasms — there should be multiple,” said Paul Keable, chief strategy officer of DIY affair website Ashley Madison. “And size does matter — the bigger the building, the more residents and the more potential for anonymity.”
Per Keable’s proviso, 108 Leonard is a candidate for New York’s most affairprimed building — a trio of entrances and more than 150 different residences. Another option is 15 Hudson Yards: There’s a discreet connection between the door to the affordable housing complex and the pricier plush crash pads next door, allowing you to enter via the former to reach your home in the latter.
The best option, though, is at 168 Plymouth St. in Dumbo, if you follow the advice of Leeza Cooper, author of “How to Have an Affair: And How it Can Save Your Marriage.”
The newly converted former commercial property (where a three-bedroom is listed for $4.75 million) ditched its entry on Jay Street in favor of a dimly lit alleyway opening, where there isn’t a gaffe-prone doorman anywhere near the gate.
“Privacy and confidentiality are the main criteria, and invisibility from the main roads,” she said.
She recalls a TV producer she knew in Manhattan who kept his wife and actor boyfriend in different apartments in the same building for several years. It was only when there was a changeover in concierge that he was busted.
“Could I get your boyfriend’s signature on this copy of his autobiography?” the overly enthusiastic new hire asked.
Unfortunately his wife was just exiting the elevator, and heard it all.
That’s exactly the type of imbroglio we’re trying to avoid.