Be kinder, live better

Even with all of the expanding means of communication these days, it seems that we know less and less about what other people are going through. It is very easy to draw quick conclusions about people, but it is very freeing to be able to look at another person who is annoying the heck out of you, and think to yourself, “What is going on with him or her?” before drawing judgment.

This is an especially important time for our community to display such patience. With changes in jobs, relocations, the future in question for some … perhaps there is a way we can cut each other some slack. I believe, cutting slack to each other is a very religious thing to do, very God-like in fact.

As a clergyman, I see this all the time. Many of us don’t know the real troubles of our closest friends or even what family members are going through. They might not be ready to tell; they feel embarrassed; or they are protecting another person — they might even be protecting you. We just don’t know what others are really going through. Even when someone is insensitive — or wrongs us — who knows why and what is in the background for him?

There is this wonderful prayer in Jewish tradition, which is to be said upon seeing a whole crowd of people: “Praised are you, O, God, the knower of secrets.” God knows the back stories. God knows the secrets. God knows the pains, and God knows the fears in the crowd of people. God knows what is hidden, but we do not.

In the book, “The Jew and the Lotus,” written by Roger Kamenetz, the author tells a story of how he is waiting in a checkout line in a grocery store behind a very slow-moving man. The man in front can’t pay quickly enough — he’s almost in slow motion, fumbling around finding his money. Kamenetz finally can’t take it anymore. He is about to scream at the man, when he sees … the man is blind.

Some 2,000 years ago, Talmudic Rabbi Yeshoshua Ben Perach said, “Judge all people (In Hebrew kol adam.) on the scale of merit, giving them the benefit of the doubt.” In Hebrew, Kol Adam can mean “all people,” and it can also mean “the whole person.” If we could know the whole person, then we would be in the position to judge.

But, in a society where we are constantly conditioned to react quickly with as little information as possible, we lose sight of the whole person so easily. We all need to give everyone around us in our lives the benefit of the doubt. Cut each other some slack. Otherwise what kind of people have we become?

Moses inquired of God as to God’s nature. And in Exodus 34: 6-7 we read:

And the Lord passed by before Moses, and proclaimed: “The Lord, the Lord, God, merciful and gracious, patient, and abundant in goodness and truth; keeping mercy unto the thousandth generation, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin.”

These divine qualities are the spiritual qualities after which we should strive: Mercy. Graciousness. Patience. Abundance in goodness and truth. Forgiveness. Rather than rushing to judge each other, we should connect with the people who have upset or let us down. We should inquire: “Is everything really OK? What’s really going on?”

So let us ask ourselves: Will I make assumptions, or will I give others the benefit of the doubt? Will I demand perfection, or will I have patience? Will I insist on being right, or will I exercise humility in judgment? And, finally, will I be hard-nosed, or will I be kind?

It’s always good to be kind. Cut people slack whenever possible — cut yourself some slack. Remember, there is always more going on with a person than meets the eye.

In other words: Be kinder. Live better.

Now, there’s a slogan.