Late laughs

Conan

At last night’s VMA’s, Beyoncé’s album Lemonade, about her husband’s cheating, won seven awards. So the favorite to sweep the VMA’s next year is Huma Abedin. Beyoncé won Best Pop Video, Best Female Video, Best Choreography, Breakthrough Longform Video, Best Direction, Cinematography, Editing and Video of the Year. Just for the hell of it, they threw in the Nobel Prize in Economics. Donald Trump is challenging Hillary Clinton to release “detailed medical records.” This marks the first time Trump’s ever been interested in the body of a woman over 40. A 25 year old has scammed over $1 million from Trump supporters. It’s being called “the first time in years that the Trump name has actually made someone money.”

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump is trying to turn his poll numbers around and recently told his supporters that if he’s elected, the White House will become the people’s house. He was like, “because I ain’t living in that dump. I’m going to get a mansion down the street and I’ll check in every other week.” The CEO of Wendy’s says the election is hurting the chain’s burger sales. People are spending less because they are worried about the future. Let’s be honest here, if you’re eating a Wendy’s Baconator, you’re probably not too concerned about the future.

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

Mrs. Palin just posted on Facebook that she tripped and fell while doing something called “rock-running.” Not sure what rock-running is, but I think it’s when you jog while playing air guitar. Palin fell and hit her head on a rock. Don’t worry, she’s OK or, you know, the same. Trump is planning a major immigration policy speech Wednesday in Arizona. Now, he was originally supposed to give it last Thursday in Colorado, so it moved later and further south. If he delays it again, it’s Monday at the Panama Canal.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

On Sept. 26, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton will face off in a debate at Hofstra University. And this is interesting: the Clinton campaign is using psychology experts to create a personality profile of Trump to figure out what his approach might be. That seems crazy. Are they preparing for a debate or trying to catch a serial killer? I actually love this [season’s “Dancing With the Stars”] lineup. Between the election and “DWTS,” the American people are now gonna get two chances to not vote for Rick Perry in one year!

Late Night With Seth Meyers

Former representative Anthony Weiner’s column in the New York Daily News was dropped today after reports of a third sexting scandal. But if you still want to see Weiner’s column, don’t worry, he’ll text it to you eventually. Hillary Clinton spoke yesterday about her preparation for the upcoming presidential debate, and told reporters, quote: “I do not know which Donald Trump will show up.” Yes, will it be the kind, generous and intelligent Donald Trump, or will it be the one who exists? Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway said in an interview today that Donald Trump’s focus on a border wall is because “a wall is something very easy for people to understand.” Whereas tax returns: super complicated.