Girlfriend still in closet is taking her time to come out

Dear Abby: I’m a lesbian currently dating a woman who is still in the closet. She now identifies as bisexual. We have been dating for about a year.

The issue is that she is still in contact with a lot of her ex-boyfriends. I don’t expect her to come out of the closet on my time. However, I do have a problem with her talking to ex-boyfriends when they don’t know she’s in a relationship. She thinks I’m overreacting. However, she has admitted that she’d have a problem with me talking to exes and not bringing up the fact I’m in a relationship.

She has finally admitted that I am a friend and introduced me to her family and one other friend. It took a lot of work to get that far. I am demanding that she acknowledge — at the very least — that she is in a relationship. I’m not demanding she tell them it’s with a girl. I don’t want to date someone who is ashamed of me.

Most of the time when she talks to an ex, new romantic interests don’t seem to come up. I no longer trust her to care more about my feelings than her interests. Should I say goodbye to this one? — Dating in Silence Dear Dating in Silence:

Yes. If, after a year of dating, your girlfriend is still hiding your relationship, I think that’s exactly what you should do. LGBT people come out in their own way, in their own time. If this difference in where the two of you are is a deal-breaker, you should move on and find someone more compatible.

Dear Abby: For the last seven years I have been in a long-distance relationship. I see him every three months. He is divorced and a workaholic. I love him very much, and he says he also loves me.

I had put a tattoo of his name on my hip. This time when he visited, I showed it to him. When I did, he was shocked. He said he was flattered, but thought it was “a bit much.” Then he said he would never tattoo someone’s name on himself unless he first asked permission.

I told him that I really love him, and even if something happened and we broke up for some reason that it was all right. I said I am 60 years old, and it was

my body and my decision, and that I did it for myself.

Abby, do you think I should have asked him first? Do you think maybe he doesn’t love me as much as he says he does? Please help me understand this. — Tattoo in San Diego

Dear Tattoo: You are an adult, and at age 60 you should not have to ask anyone’s permission to get a tattoo. If, after seven years, you see this man only every three months, it should be plain by now that he’s not interested in a closer relationship.