Elec­tion-fraud sleuths

Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette - - VOICES -

The fol­low­ing par­ody is en­tirely fic­ti­tious.

“Sure, I can ex­plain why our panel needs to col­lect more per­sonal data on U.S. ci­ti­zens. First, it’s not a new idea. Some­one told us that Wil­liam the Con­queror did it in 1085, and for all we know, Wil­liam Clin­ton did it too.

“With­out get­ting too far out in the weeds, my take­away is that while the op­tics may be poor, there’s lots to un­pack con­cern­ing voter fraud last year.

“Now here’s the thing—de­spite ex­pected blow­back from all the sore losers who say there’s no there there, we need to drill down into how dead il­le­gals nearly elected a woman as pres­i­dent.

“That said, while ev­ery­thing is on the ta­ble, the real­ity is, we also need to dou­ble down on gath­er­ing voter-pro­file data to help as­sure that only real Amer­i­cans are al­lowed to vote.

“Not to put too fine a point on it, let’s make no mis­take, at the end of the day, our panel’s only goal is to move the nee­dle in fa­vor of fair­ness and trans­parency. And to pro­vide a bet­ter lit­mus test for screen­ing out un­de­sir­ables.

“While our side does the heavy lift­ing of good gov­ern­ment, the other side ac­cuses us of throw­ing in­di­vid­ual rights un­der the bus while they en­gage in po­lit­i­cally prob­lem­atic ob­struc­tion, kick­ing cans down the road, and mask­ing real­ity with a plethora of empty clichés.”


Hot Springs Vil­lage

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