Can Wal-Mart’s personal delivery plan deliver?

You’ve got to hand it to Wal-Mart.

The retail giant continues to come up with more and more ways for people to shop there without actually shopping there.

Like Grocery Pickup. Buy groceries online, reserve a time, show up and the delightful workers (at least they are at my location) even pack it all — even the gruuuuunt! heavy kitty litter — in the trunk, plus alert you to any substitutions. As for those substitutions, sometimes shoppers make out like bandits. Like when they didn’t have the 2 pounds of jasmine rice and gave me a 5-pound (!) bag for the same price. Very rice, indeed.

Now, Wal-Mart has gone even further. They’ll not only bring the Oreos, DiGiorno and Diet Coke (it’s all

about balance) to your home, they’ll put the items away for you if you’re away.

The service is part of an innovation being test-marketed in Silicon Valley, as part of a joint effort with security company August Home and Deliv delivery service.

Sloan Eddleston, WalMart’s vice president of e-commerce strategy and business operations, wrote a blog about the project on walmart.com. Here’s how she envisions it working:

When my order is ready, a Deliv driver will retrieve my items and bring them to my home. If no one answers the doorbell, he or she will have a one-time passcode that I’ve pre-authorized which will open

my home’s smart lock. As the homeowner, I’m in control of the experience the entire time — the moment the Deliv driver rings my doorbell, I receive a smartphone notification that the delivery is occurring and, if I choose, I can watch the delivery take place in real-time. The Deliv associate will drop off my packages in my foyer and then carry my groceries to the kitchen, unload them in my fridge and leave. I’m watching the entire process from start to finish from my home security cameras through the August app. As I watch the Deliv associate exit my front door, I even receive confirmation that my door has automatically been locked.

Here’s how I envision it working, or not working:

Oh no, the the driver is coming! I really should have swept the foliage off the front

porch and Swiffered the foyer of pet fur. What if he slips on a leaf or a tuft of fluff, falls and breaks my eggs and injures himself? Am I insured for this? Is he? Should I have hired a lawyer before this?

Um, if he does get carted off in an ambulance and my eggs break can someone else bring a replacement carton later? Or will I just get reimbursed?

And if debris doesn’t cause him to fall, he might pass out from the smell of the trash I forgot to take out this morning. Speaking of, hey, can he take care of that too, please? And spray disinfectant and replace the liner? But do this after he puts the ice cream in the freezer to avoid melting. Wait, on his way back in, could he start a load of laundry too? Oh, and fold the stuff in the dryer.

Surely he’ll wash his hands after the trash? Oh gross, what if he doesn’t wash his hands and then touches my produce? I sure hope he remembers to wash them, but not in the hall bathroom. I really should have cleaned it first. Maybe he’ll use the bathroom in the bedroom. No, not that! Surely there are clothes all over and underwear on the floor.

And besides, I don’t need this questionable character thoroughly casing the joint and plotting a break-in. He already knows when I’m not home. He already knows I’m a big spender — or not. He’ll see all those store-brand, generic items (Equate ibuprofen? Couldn’t spring for the Advil, huh?) and not waste his time.

Back to the handwashing, here’s hoping he just uses the

kitchen sink. Shoot, the sink has dishes in it. Hey, maybe he could rinse those off and put them in the dishwasher? Of course, I don’t really mean that! I mean, maybe he could first empty out the clean dishes, put them away, rinse off all the dirty ones and then put them in the dishwasher. Oh, maybe since he’ll get water on the counter, he could just totally wipe down all the counters … and cupboards … and then sweep and mop up any messes from the floor too?

Here’s hoping he does all that quickly, because I really don’t need anything spoiled. Like that curdled milk in the refrigerator I forgot to toss months ago and that blue cheese that wasn’t originally blue. Before he puts things away, surely he could clean out the clutter, and scour the

sticky shelves, reorganize the condiments and change the water filter?

And when that’s done maybe he can get dinner started: prep the chicken, chop the onions, get the pasta water boiling. Oh, no! I forgot to order chicken? And onions? And pasta? And 35 other things? Can he order some delivery food for tonight?

I’m just going to have to place another order and have him return tomorrow. Hey would he mind stopping at the post office on his way out? And picking up my dry-cleaning on his way back?