Let’s change things

Put stop to sexual harrassment

It should now be obvious that sexual harassment and statutory rape run rampant in the entertainment industry, in politics, in the military, and on college campuses. We’ve all heard enough stories to know that. We’ve seen the Facebook posts.

The truth is sexual harassment happens across the board. Anywhere you have management who thinks rank has its privileges. Anywhere an authority figure can promise a promotion or passing grade in return for favors, or threaten the loss of a job if the subordinate doesn’t deliver. Anywhere a top-level executive will permit and cover up that sort of behavior.

It happens all around us, but it isn’t deemed newsworthy unless either the offender or the victim is a high-profile personality. When the injured party is someone in middle-class America just trying to get along, it isn’t news at all.

I’m aware the offender isn’t always male and the victim always female. But I am a woman so I will speak from that perspective.

Me, too.

Catcalling by snot-nosed junior high boys. I never told anyone at the time because I thought it was my fault. What had I done to make them disrespect me? Surely they didn’t make dirty cracks at the pretty, popular, nice girls. I tried to be a good girl. Why did they think I wasn’t? I couldn’t tell a teacher or any of my friends. I blamed myself and was not able to share my shame with anyone.

Fortunately, that was a phase of immature behavior that didn’t last long. It was bullying nonetheless, and I still remember.

Fast forward several years to the time when I was a single mom entering the workforce. A co-worker assumed that since I had once been married I needed “it” and he graciously offered to be of service. Several times. He interpreted my lighthearted “No thank yous” or, finally, my brusque refusals as playing hard to get. I tried to muster courage to speak to my boss, but I’ve never been known for my bravery. Through an act of pure grace, the perp was transferred.

—————— Since the recent conversation about sexual harassment began, many have tried to guess what percentage of women in the USA can say, “Me Too.”

Just imagine: In the beginning it’s only irritating, uncomfortable. Dirty jokes told in your presence. Then, a pinch. A grope. Someone hitting on you or blatantly propositioning you. Behavior you try to ignore rather than raise a fuss. But see, these guys don’t get subtleties. Silence is taken as approval.

So, we suck it up, deal with it, rather than chance losing everything we’ve worked for, or worse, jeopardizing our livelihood. Which is exactly what happens to many who are brave enough to complain.

Talk about unfair! Talk about bias! Talk about oppression! It’s happening somewhere right this minute.

If every woman who has suffered this type of ill treatment knelt in protest … now that would be something to see. If every woman who empathizes with her oppressed sisters took a knee … well, nothing would get done around here. So let’s do something that’s more than a gesture.

If your supervisor is making unwanted advances, tell him so. The minute those words come out of your mouth, what he is doing becomes sexual harassment. If you don’t say it in so many words, he can claim he was only asking you out and thought you welcomed it. (I know!) You need to say out loud.

And you need to document it. Keep a diary detailing the offense, the date you talked to him, his response. Email may be a possibility. “Dear Jerk, Regarding our conversation this morning, please keep your ragged hands to yourself.” You have date-stamped documentation fit to be used in a lawsuit, if it comes to that. Hopefully your bravery will put an end to his badgering.

If a co-worker is hitting on you, it’s a little different. It’s called “a hostile working environment.” Tell Co-worker to bug off or you’ll report his behavior to the boss. Then do it. Document everything. If Boss doesn’t put a stop to it, he is opening himself up to a lawsuit.

Tell someone. I know this is hard, but talking to a person who believes what you’re saying gives you a sense of control. If you prefer to remain anonymous, the National Sexual Assault Hotline (also known as RAINN), (800) 656-4673, will connect you with a counselor. The communication is a safe and confidential telephone call.

Please don’t say to yourself, “It’s only a pinch, he’s just joking around.” If it makes you uncomfortable … or miserable … value yourself enough to take action.

Women have been oppressed in many ways — for a longer period of time — than any other demographic. It’s ludicrous for the United States to criticize Third World countries for keeping their women subservient while we live in a culture that excuses sexual harassment.

Let’s change things.