Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette
MONEY MANNERS
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: The stylist who cuts my hair has been going through a bitter custody battle. I’ve been happy to talk to “Nick” about it and express my support. But recently the transmission in his car failed and his landlord raised his rent, and now all I hear about when I’m in his chair is the problems he’s having paying his bills. Not only am I getting tired of listening to his tales of woe (haircuts are supposed to be relaxing), but I feel I’m being pressured to leave a significantly larger tip. What’s the right thing to do here? I like Nick and feel sorry for him but still.
— J.P.
DEAR J.P.: Don’t change your tip. Instead, consider giving Nick a cash gift equal to 50 to 100 percent of what you normally pay for a haircut and telling him you hope the extra money will be of some help with his problems. At the same time, gently explain to him that his constantly talking about those problems could be making some of his customers uncomfortable, and tell him that you, for one, miss the conversations the two of you used to have. Nick should get the picture.
Feel uneasy about having a conversation this personal? Then you have two other options: Pop in the earbuds or find another stylist.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: I’m single and childless, and I’d like my estate to be equally divided among my sister’s daughters. Unfortunately, one of them is married to a complete jerk, and I want to be certain he doesn’t benefit from the money I plan to leave his wife. Were “Jason” a decent, hardworking person, I wouldn’t feel this way. But he’s not. He’s totally lacking in ambition, and he, my niece and their two children are able to get by only because my sister is always helping them out. Still, I love my niece, and I understand that she loves her husband. So what’s the best way to keep him from getting his hands on my money?
— JULIA
DEAR JULIA: Leave it to someone who dislikes him as much as you do.
OK, bad joke. But it underscores our point — namely, that there are no good options in the situation you describe. Sure, a lawyer can help you write your will in such a way as to probably keep your bequest out of Jason’s hands should he and your niece divorce. But basically, marriages are single economic units, meaning that any money flowing to one partner necessarily benefits both. Look at it this way: Suppose your niece uses the money you leave her to replace her old car. All your bequest has done is spare your niece and her husband the cost of replacing her car, freeing up their money for her — and, unfortunately, for him — to spend on other things.
So what’s Plan B? Consider asking your attorney about locking up your niece’s share of your estate in a trust, to be used only for her children’s college education.
Please email your questions about money, ethics and relationships to Questions@MoneyManners.net