Need advice on wedding? Ask a coach

Washington State football Coach Mike Leach is never one to shy away from sharing advice when asked for it.

Asked by a reporter earlier this week for some wedding advice as he prepares to tie the knot, Leach gave a monologue on what to expect and the insanity that awaits in marriage.

Leach didn’t hold back when giving his advice.

“The women lose their mind,” Leach began. “Your fiancee is going to lose her mind. Your mother-in-law is going to lose her mind. Your mom is going to lose her mind. Several of your sisters and your female relatives are going to lose their mind, and they’re going to barrage you with constant questions — ‘What should we wear?’ and of course my answer was, ‘I don’t care.’ And then ‘What color should the invitations be?’ ‘I don’t care.’ ‘What should we have for dessert?’ ‘I don’t care.’ ‘Should we sit this way, or that way?’ ‘I don’t care.’

“But see, I don’t care’s not satisfactory at all, and you’re going to get caught in a catch-22 — and I’m certain that you already have — and that catch-22 is, ‘Well, I want you to be a part of this too, so what color invitations?’ ‘Alright, the blue ones.’ ‘Well, I kind of like the tan ones.’ ‘Okay, the tan ones then.’ ‘Oh you’re just saying that because you want this over. You’re not even thinking about it.’ — which is, of course, true. ‘What do you want for dessert?’ ‘I was thinking strawberry shortcake.’ ‘Oh, OK, strawberry shortcake would be good. Well, what about the blueberry pie?’ ‘Well I like the blueberry pie. We could have the blueberry pie.’ ‘Well I thought you wanted the strawberry shortcake.’

“And it’s just gonna go back and forth, and they’re just going to play keep away from you until you’re married. There’s no answer that you give that’s going to be satisfactory or correct. And if you successfully please a few of them, a few others will be, ‘Oh, well, I just don’t feel like he’s that interested.’

“So you need to work late, go in the back room and read a lot of books, take the groomsmen out so you make sure that they march in just right, and they know exactly, you know these swell outfits that you picked out, or however you’re doing it. And in the end, you’ll wish you eloped. You need to find excuses that they’ll buy to be as far out of harm’s way as you possibly can.”

AP file photo Washington State Coach Mike Leach (left) gave a reporter marriage advice earlier this week after a practice in Pullman, Wash. Leach and the Cougars face Coach Chris Petersen (right) and the Washington Huskies on Saturday in the Apple Cup at Husky...