Daughter searches for ways to share Christmas with mom

Dear Abby: My parents have been divorced for 15 years. Dad is remarried; my mother lives alone. My brother and I alternate holidays, and this year he was supposed to host our mother. Instead, he just informed me he has invited our father and his wife, leaving our mother no place to go.

I would love to invite her to my in-laws’ house, but my husband doesn’t want her to come. When I told him he could take the kids to his family’s house, he got very upset and told me I should consider him and our children first, before my mother.

So, what should I do? Should I leave my mom home alone on Christmas, or stay with her so she’s not alone? — Worried

Dear Worried: Has your brother told your mother he won’t be celebrating with her? If he hasn’t, he should let her know now. Because your husband refuses to share Christmas with your mother, I assume their relationship is strained. If that’s the case, it may be time for her to start mending fences.

As to whether you should sacrifice Christmas with your husband and children to be with her, I’m not sure you should. Your mother would be wise to learn to be more independent, and a way of doing that would be to start making plans of her own. If there is a church celebration, or an opportunity to volunteer, suggest she investigate it. Also, consider seeing her on Christmas Eve, or for brunch if she can’t join you for dinner.

Dear Abby: I will be heading to graduate school next year. I suffer from ADHD, for which I cannot take medication. ADHD affects many aspects of my life, especially in a professional setting. It makes it hard for me to do things, such as show up to work on time, remember appointments or prioritize tasks.

I’m working with my psychologist on strategies to help. But in the meantime, how can I communicate to my professors and employers that my troubles with “basic professionalism” stem from an actual diagnosed disability, and not laziness or lack of effort? — Grad School-Bound

Dear Grad School-Bound: Ask your psychologist to provide you with a letter stating your diagnosis that you can show your professors and employers. If you have written proof that you suffer from a diagnosed disability, they may be willing to work with you rather than be judgmental.