Illness is not a choice

I almost did not read any further in High Profile last Sunday when I read the caption under the woman being profiled. If she were to write a book, it would be titled Depression Is a Choice. I really hope she did not mean it that way.

I was once the sort of person who would tell someone who was suffering from depression to just “get out and do something” or “come on, you can shake this.” There was also that question, “do you know why you are depressed?” A couple of years ago, over a period of about six or eight months, I began to feel worse and worse—physically, mentally, emotionally. I could not eat or sleep. It felt like an ever-darkening cloud was beginning to shroud me. I literally got to a place where I could not function. I would have anxiety attacks that were incredibly scary.

Not having any notion what they were, I went to the hospital emergency room thinking something was wrong with my heart. I was afraid to go anywhere for fear of having a panic attack and not be able to conceal it. I would have given anything to have “chosen” not to feel that way!

Thanks to a very loving husband and sons, to friends, to my church family and my Al Anon family as well as working for a caring organization like the Arkansas Department of Health who got me into EAP and a therapist, I slowly started returning to normal.

There was something very good that happened out of that time, though, and that was finding my compassion for people who suffer from this disease. Never again will I tell someone to “snap out of it.” But I will hug them and I will pray for their peace.

Let’s all be careful with how we use our words. JOY ROCKENBACH Little Rock