Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette
MONEY MANNERS
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: I’m 67, and my partner, “Sharon,” is 63. She’s a widow, and I have a good relationship with her children and grandchildren. Sharon received a substantial inheritance several years ago, and she has a good pension and a good Social Security check waiting for her in a few years. I have no kids, just a lifetime of fun adventures, and I only began to earn a decent income in my 50s. My work required me to move from city to city every couple of years, but when I met Sharon, I agreed to “get off the road” and settle down. So for the past five years, she’s mostly supported me, while I’ve assumed what was once the “traditional wife’s” role. To maximize our Social Security benefits, though, we’ve chosen not to get married. While we’re very happy together, I’ve started to worry as I’ve gotten older: What would happen to me if we broke up? I have no fallback position. After five years in a good relationship, would it be OK to ask for some kind of financial protection?
— Jack
DEAR JACK: Your determination to claim the maximum in Social Security is denying you the traditional source of protection for traditional wives, namely: marriage. Maybe you ought to do the math again on that one. Because your long-term prospects were something you should have discussed with Sharon when you agreed to stop working or, failing that, when the two of you decided to stay single. If you now ask for a commitment to support you after a breakup, you risk Sharon wondering just how permanent you view the relationship as being.
What you might consider doing, though, is asking your partner what her will calls for in the event that she predeceases you. Perhaps the conversation will open the door to a more general discussion of your financial vulnerability. Don’t be surprised, however, if she says, more lovingly than we’re about to, that she sees no reason why her children should wind up with less just because, for three decades, you chose to put a “lifetime of adventures” ahead of saving for the future.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: For 10 years now, my neighbor has been borrowing my snowblower and returning it with virtually no gas left in the tank. It doesn’t cost much to refill it, but I’ve grown increasingly resentful of his discourtesy and presumption. What do you suggest I do?
— R.J.
DEAR R.J.: There’s an old joke: A guy says, “Doctor, doctor, my arm hurts in three places,” and the doctor says, “So don’t go to those places.”
The moral for you? So don’t lend your neighbor the snowblower. Tell him it’s broken. Tell him you’re out of gas. Tell him you’re saving what gas you have to deal with your own snow. But whatever you do, don’t lend him your snowblower. He had 10 years to put some gas in the thing. Your obligation to be an accommodating neighbor ended nine years ago.