New wife surprised to learn of husband’s family secret

Dear Abby: My husband’s father passed away about a year ago. His parents had been married 33 years. A few weeks ago, we told my mother-in-law we were expecting our first child.

After a joyous moment and some conversation later about children, my mother-in-law brought up my husband’s half-brother, someone I didn’t know existed! My husband then said, “I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about him.” She told him my father-in-law had reached out to the half-brother before his death to make amends.

Abby, I’m confused now about how to discuss this with my husband because I would love to know more details about his half-brother. My husband nor anyone in his family mentioned this

person, ever! Should I just leave it alone, or should I probe some more to see if I can get more information? — Perplexed In Indiana

Dear Perplexed: It appears the existence of this half-sibling is the skeleton in your husband’s family closet. If I were you, I’d be careful about rattling it. Ask your husband if he’s willing to share what he knows. If he is interested in pursuing more information, offer to help him. But unless he is, I do not advise starting to dig.

P.S. Because the father reached out to make amends, the half-brother may try to contact his siblings. But don’t count on it.

Dear Abby: I have been married for four months. My husband and I love each other very much.

My problem is, sex doesn’t interest me. In fact, it terrifies me. I hate saying no because I know it hurts him, but I’m always scared that I won’t enjoy it. Or that if I do say yes, I’ll feel like it’s a chore just to make him happy. I know that’s the wrong mindset to have going into it.

I have apologized almost every time I turn him down. He always says I don’t need to be sorry and we’ll only do it when I’m comfortable, but I’m scared I might not ever be comfortable with it. Plus I have doubts that I’ve ever had an orgasm. How should I approach this? — Scared Newlywed Dear Scared: If you had experienced an orgasm, I assure you that you would not have forgotten the experience. You need to have at least two honest conversations — the first with your husband, the second with your gynecologist. Your problem may be physical, emotional or a combination of the two.

A licensed psychologist can help you figure out the reason for your feelings and resolve them, or refer you and your husband to a sex therapist. The only thing you should not do is wait any longer to deal with this.