Community’s sunny surface hides neighborhood grudges

Dear Abby: My wife and I decided to retire and move to a 55-plus community. We researched and visited several, and recently bought a home in one with about 5,000 residents and a lot of senior activities.

After closing, we stayed around for several days to get better acquainted and got a rude surprise. Everyone we met was very friendly, but quite a few have a grudge about at least one other person in the community. What can we do or say to be able to be friends with neighbors who have grudges against each other (“If you are friends with them, you can’t be friends with us”)? — Not Taking Sides In The South Dear Not Taking Sides: It appears you not only moved south, but also into an “elementary school” complete with playground politics. Do not allow yourselves to be shanghaied into an exclusive relationship with anyone who tries to blackmail you this way. If your neighbors can’t get along with each other, let it be their problem and see them separately. And when they put down others, change the subject.

Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. Yesterday he told me he isn’t sexually satisfied. I thought our sex life was good overall. However, he says he feels he’s doing most of the work and I’m not “adventurous” enough. He’s not looking for anything crazy,

but I have limited experience and lack confidence in this area. How do I get my confidence up and meet his needs? — Unsure In Illinois

Dear Unsure: Have a talk with your boyfriend. Tell him you are glad that he was honest with you about his feelings. Then ask what he meant by “adventurous” and what he would like from you. It could be something as simple as you initiating the sexual encounters more often. But if it’s not, it will be the beginning of an important conversation.

Dear Abby: I received an invitation to a “belly and bells shower.” The bride is expecting (belly) and her wedding shower is included (bells). Having never received an invitation that honors both events, I’m

not certain how to respond gift-wise. Do I buy two gifts? She’s registered at two sites, one for baby and one for bridal. — Confused

Dear Confused: Yes, two gifts are being requested. What those gifts should be is up to you — although you will get some idea of what the young couple will need by visiting the websites. After the shower is over, the rule of etiquette is that you should receive a wedding invitation. If you choose to attend, another gift will be in order, so don’t put away your checkbook.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit www.DearAbby.com