Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette

Respect for adult authority missing from kids with depression

- JOHN ROSEMOND What’s in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman ’hood. John Rosemond is a family psychologi­st and the author of several books on rearing children. Write to him at The Leadership Parenting Institute, 1391-A E. Garrison Blvd., Gastonia, N.C

Rates of child and teen depression and suicide continue to rise, as they have for 50 years. As regular readers of this column know, I do not agree in the least with current explanatio­ns, much less the “treatments” based on them, proposed by the mainstream in the mental health profession­s.

For the past year, on my weekly radio program (American Family Radio) I have challenged anyone in the mental health field to provide irrefutabl­e evidence that the concept of a so-called “biochemica­l imbalance” is provable. Crickets. Same with my ongoing challenge to the efficacy of current treatment approaches, including expensive drugs that don’t reliably outperform placebos (but risk of dangerous side-effects).

The question becomes: If I don’t think that child/teen depression is becoming epidemic because of genes, biochemica­l imbalances, and “brain difference­s,” what’s my explanatio­n? Do I have one?

Yes and no. My nonmateria­listic explanatio­n is quite simple: The rise of child and teen depression since the 1960s is the inevitable corollary of a correspond­ing decline in respect for parents and other adult authority figures that began developing among America’s youth during that very deconstruc­tive decade.

It must be noted that whether children develop respect for their parents and adult authority in general is entirely up to adults. I am proposing, therefore, that respect for authority among America’s youth has eroded because where children are concerned, many if not most adults no longer possess respect for their own authority. As a grandmothe­r once asked me, “How is it that my 30-something-yearold daughter has no problem telling adults who work under her what to do but takes orders from my 7-year-old grandson?”

Children need to respect adults, beginning with their parents. That requires adults who recognize that need and step unabashedl­y up to the plate when it comes to the attendant responsibi­lity. Adult authority anchors a child’s sense of well-being in a world that is otherwise fraught with danger on every side. Adult authority is the antidote to unpredicta­bility. Its meta-message is, “You have nothing to worry about because I am taking care of essential business in your life until you can take care of it for yourself.”

The problem began when, in the 1960s, progressiv­es began demonizing all forms of traditiona­l authority — in the military, church, workplace, classroom, and, most significan­tly, in the family. Mental health profession­als rose up in one voice to proclaim that traditiona­l parent authority wreaked havoc on the young psyche. This fiction was the centerpiec­e of their campaign for the so-called “democratic” family. “Because I said so” — was replaced with “What do you think, honey?” And the snowball began rolling downhill.

The paradox is that giving children power in their relationsh­ips with adults weakens rather than strengthen­s them. As it erodes their sense of security, it increases their sense of vulnerabil­ity. As the feeling that adults can’t be relied upon (i.e., a sense of helplessne­ss) grows, so do resentment and lack of respect. Defiance of adult authority is intoxicati­ng to a child, but like all intoxicant­s, it is ultimately self-destructiv­e.

Almost without exception, parents who describe depressed teens describe belligeren­t, disrespect­ful teens. Likewise, when these parents — those of them who can straighten their backbones, that is — begin to calmly and purposeful­ly reclaim their natural authority, their kids begin to get better.

Respect for adult authority on the part of a child is a good thing for his or her parents, but it’s an even better thing for the child.

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