Couple’s plans hit snag over boyfriend going to strip club

Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I are planning on moving to California together in a few months. I flew to Monterey to job hunt, and he is supposed to come soon.

However, last night I found out he and his buddy went to a strip club. He knows I’m uncomfortable with him going to strip clubs, and he assured me that they would not be going.

He says I’m controlling and childish for being angry. I told him it’s either me or the strip clubs. His response was that freedom of choice is very important. I even said if he feels the need to go to strip clubs, then I would start stripping to spite him.

I’m tempted to cancel his ticket to California. I don’t want him here if we are just going to fight. Is this

situation worth the cost of a relationship? How do I deal with someone so stubborn? Abby, he is in the wrong, isn’t he? — Choice Is Clear

Dear Choice: A wise woman chooses her battles carefully. If your boyfriend spent more than an occasional evening hanging out in strip clubs, I can see why it would be a deal breaker. But unless you left something important out of your letter — like the fact that he did more than look — it doesn’t appear that he does.

You escalated the situation and you shouldn’t have. However, if you feel so strongly about strip clubs, perhaps you should consider finding another man to spend your life with because it really isn’t possible to control the actions of another adult.

Dear Abby: My 33-yearold daughter recently moved back home. I discovered she was an alcoholic a few years ago and encouraged her to get treatment. She was in a program, but relapsed.

I regret helping her, and I now realize I must stop all interactions with her. She has a huge sense of entitlement and does not appreciate my help. I feel I have failed as a parent and hope I can move past this and work through my depression. Any advice you can offer is welcome. — Best Mom I Can Be Dear Best Mom: You have not “failed” as a parent. Your daughter has an addiction. Substance abusers have been known to fall off the wagon on their road to sobriety, and this is what happened.

Talk about your depression with a licensed mental health professional who is familiar with addictions, and attend some Al-Anon meetings. Because you feel your daughter can no longer live with you, tell her she must make other living arrangements and set a date for her to move out. Do not do it in anger. In fact, it may be better for both of you.