Wife’s attraction to woman throws life into confusion

Dear Abby: I am a 50-year-old woman. I have been married to my husband for 28 years and never cheated. We have a good life together, but I have recently fallen in love with another woman.

I haven’t told anyone, not even her. She has made several advances toward me, but she makes comments like, “I don’t swim in the lady pond.”

The two of us recently went out of town together. When she kissed me on my neck, I pulled away and nothing more happened.

I feel like I’m going crazy because I think about her every minute. She’s married and has been for 30 years. Is it possible for two straight women to suddenly fall in love with each other? Should I tell her how I feel? Please help me. I’m confused, lost

and in turmoil. — Falling In Love

Dear Falling: Yes, it is possible for members of both sexes to become attracted to each other and fall in love. Have an honest conversation with her. Tell her you are confused about what happened on the trip. I’m not sure she was completely honest about her “swimming” habits.

I hesitate to advise what steps to take beyond that since you are both in longtime, committed relationships. Much will depend upon what she has to say.

Dear Abby: I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We are the same age and have children from previous marriages. Early on we discussed blending our families.

Although he has been eager to be a part of my life and family, he has been less enthusiastic about opening his to me. He takes vacations with his children and leaves me out. He also travels alone to places we have discussed going to together. If I say anything, he accuses me of being selfish. But if I plan anything with my children, he expects to be included.

I feel resentful living on the fringes of his world, while he expects to be at the center of mine. Am I selfish, or do I have a legitimate complaint? — Off Balance In Virginia Dear Off Balance: You and your boyfriend should both be spending some

separate vacation time with your children, but not to the exclusion of each other. That he would take trips you had planned together without you seems peculiar, and I don’t think you are selfish to be bothered by it.

Although you have been seeing each other for two years, he does not appear to be anywhere near ready for the kind of relationship you are wishing for. You do have a legitimate complaint. Continue the discussion about this because something does appear to be off balance.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit