Old friend seeks encouraging words for mother of a criminal

Dear Abby: What do you say when a friend’s son has committed a horrific crime? Does one say, “I’m sorry” or “Call me,” or merely pat them on the shoulder? Or, what?

I know she is suffering and blames herself. How do I even approach her? I knew her quite well until I moved away. Telling her what her son did is not her fault somehow seems trite. — Lost For Words

Dear Lost: The time to be a friend is when somebody needs one. I’m sure your friend could use some emotional support right now. If you have her phone number, call her and tell her you know she’s hurting, and she’s in your thoughts and prayers. Tell her you are with her in spirit and hope she knows you care about her and her son. Then listen.

Dear Abby: I’ve been seeing this guy, “Jason,” for a year and eight months. I love him and he loves me, but I’ve been offered a really good job about three hours from where we live. It is a job I’ve been wanting for a long time, with retirement, pension and other benefits. Once I get in and there’s an opening here, I can apply and move back.

Jason doesn’t want me to accept the job because he says long-distance relationships never work. I told him I’m willing to try. Is it selfish of me to accept this job knowing it could possibly break us up? — Confused In The West Dear Confused: It’s not selfish. “Selfish” is a boyfriend (not even a fiance) who would expect you to pass up an opportunity knowing how important it is to you. Mature adults are able to defer gratification and forgo an immediate reward in anticipation of a later one.

DEAR ABBY: I am almost 14 and entering high school. I am really scared and don’t know what to do. I just want to go to class, study hard, get good grades and get out. But it’s not that simple. Can you give me some advice about high school and what I should watch out for? — SCARED OF HIGH SCHOOL IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SCARED: Calm your fears. It may comfort you to know every student feels the way you do when first entering high school. It’s a new environment, and you will encounter new people.

Be nice to everyone. That’s how friendships are made. Look for extracurricular activities that interest you. You already know you will need to study hard.

As to what you should watch out for: If some of the other students are doing things that you consider wrong, don’t join in. And keep in mind there’s a school counselor you can talk to if you have any problems or concerns.