Planned baby name renews pain of tragic loss for family

Dear Abby: I come from a small, close family. Last year, we suffered a devastating loss. My cousin and her two children were killed in a car accident. We have all been profoundly affected by this loss, especially my aunt and uncle.

Fast forward: Another cousin is pregnant with her second child. She wants to name her daughter “Daisy” because she wants all her children to have flower-themed names. “Daisy” is the name of one of the children who died. Her reason for choosing the name has nothing to do with honoring our lost family member.

My cousin is set on using this name despite family protests, and I can’t help but foresee bitterness. What, if anything, can we do to make this situation more positive?

— Name Game In New York

Dear Name Game: Your cousin appears to have the empathy of a garden snail. Did it occur to anyone in the family to suggest to her that there are other flower names besides Daisy — Dalia, Daphne or even Desert Rose? (Her nickname could be “Desi,” which is cute.) If you haven’t, please do before the baby arrives. However, if she refuses to change her mind, it’s time for you to start memorizing the Serenity Prayer.

Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for 22 years. He’s a diamond in the rough. My grown children have always just tolerated him. They say he talks too much and, doesn’t listen. I know he can be overbearing.

They will no longer allow the grandchildren to come stay with me. They say my husband is too harsh in correcting them, which isn’t true. The only time he is loud and fast to correct is if the parents aren’t here to do it.

Two of my sons have expressed to my husband how they feel. My husband wants to do better. How do we proceed as a family? I’m afraid they will withhold the grands each time they disagree with us. Counseling is out since we live in separate cities. Any words of wisdom for us? — Hurting Heart In South Carolina

Dear Hurting Heart: Look at this from your sons’ perspective. When they hear from your grandchildren that your grouchy (but well-meaning) husband yelled at them, as parents, their first instinct is to protect their kids.

I can’t guarantee that your sons won’t use emotional blackmail in the future, but I can offer two suggestions: Your husband should count to 10 before he reacts, and he should defer the discipline to Grandma. And if that isn’t enough to satisfy your sons, then you will have to visit them instead of having them visit you. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit