Man won’t budge on having surgery to quiet his snoring

Dear Abby: My husband and I are happily married, but have one serious problem. I am an extremely light sleeper; he is a horrendous snorer.

He sees a snoring specialist and has tried several medical treatments, none have worked. The only solution is a minor surgical procedure. He doesn’t want to have the surgery. He insists he “sleeps fine,” and says I’m the one with the problem.

We agree we don’t want to sleep in separate rooms and lose the intimacy, but it’s the only option for me to sleep well. Neither of us wants to give up the master bedroom because it’s the only one with an attached bathroom.

Am I wrong for asking him to have surgery so we can share a bed? And if he won’t, who should get the master

bedroom? — Sleepless In Louisiana

Dear Sleepless: Let’s be honest. By now your husband knows full well he doesn’t “sleep fine.” The reason for his reluctance is fear of the surgery. It wasn’t wrong of you to ask, and out of consideration for you and the intimacy in your marriage he shouldn’t have refused.

For the sake of your health, take the other bedroom. Understand, the “intimacy bed” does not always have to be the “sleeping bed.” Good sleep quality is necessary for us to function properly.

Dear Abby: I have five grown children and three grandchildren. They have always come first, especially my grandchildren. When I began the relationship with my husband, I told him, no matter what, my grandchildren always came first. He agreed and said he felt the same way.

Now, two years into our marriage, my daughter and grandchildren want to come live with us for nine months while her husband is deployed. My husband is freaking out and complaining even though they aren’t even here yet. He has pushed me to my breaking point, and I am not sure what to do. I would never act that way toward his children or grandchildren. I’m now considering divorce. What should I do? — Family First In The South Dear Family First: I can’t help but wonder how you would really feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Would you be accommodating or would you be panicking too?

Remind your husband that this is what he agreed to before your marriage. Point out that it will be for only nine months. Tell him it will be an opportunity for him to get to know the grandkids and vice versa. Who knows? He might even enjoy it.

If he’s still unhappy after a reasonable period of time after they arrive, then it may be time to discuss separating. But don’t jump the gun.