Friend can’t hold tongue about woman’s pattern of bad choices

Dear Abby: I have a friend who’s 22 and has two children, which I helped her to deliver. She is also my neighbor. Since she moved in and divorced her husband, my husband and I have watched her make bad choices, starting with the derelict men she dates to the way she gets drunk. She blows her money on tattoos and then asks us for food.

She’s now dating another man who’s obviously using her. He won’t get a job and keeps her in perpetual relationship limbo, which forces her to focus all her attention on him and neglect her kids.

What can I do? I value her so much I lose sleep. She constantly posts on social media that she’s lonely, but she gets mad at me for telling her where she keeps going wrong. Why can’t she understand that she’s doing this to herself? How can I help her see her errors? — Caring Friend In Florida Dear Caring Friend: Your friend has a job. If she weren’t supporting her boyfriend, she would be able to support herself and her children. The more you give her, the more reliant she will become on your handouts.

Take it from a professional: The most unwelcome advice is that which is unasked for, which is why she gets angry. She doesn’t want to hear it. The way to get someone like this to recognize her “errors” is to stop trying to save her.

You can’t fix what’s wrong in her life — only she can do that — so step back. If you really think her children are going hungry, contact child protective services, so those kids can get the help they need.

Dear Abby: My fiance and I are both 68. We have been engaged for a year now. When we shopped for an engagement ring, we also purchased wedding bands.

Because of our ages, I have now come to feel that there is no reason to get married. There’s no reason why we just cannot live together. He agrees. I call him my husband; he calls me his wife.

My question is, would it be OK for us to wear the wedding bands, even though we are not legally married? I wonder if other couples have done this having made that commitment to each other.

Your thoughts? — Happily Together

Dear Happily: No law forbids the two of you from wearing wedding rings and calling yourselves married. In some states, after a period of time, the arrangement would become a common-law marriage. Before making a final decision, discuss it with a lawyer. There are certain guarantees and benefits to being legally wed because spouses have rights of inheritance and decision-making in case of illness that unwed couples do not enjoy.