Man learns he may have a son he never knew about

Dear Abby: I have been married for 27 years and have three wonderful kids.

I recently found out that I may have another son from a relationship prior to my marriage. The woman never notified me or asked for child support. I found out through someone else was able to find him through social media and look at his picture. He looks exactly like I did 25 years ago.

When I mentioned it to my wife, she did not want to discuss the possibility. She acts like nothing happened and asked me not to bring it up again. What would you recommend in this situation? Should I say nothing or risk ruining my marriage? — Vacillating In Virginia Dear Vacillating: I find it interesting that someone would know you possibly had another son all this time and didn’t say anything sooner. If it’s true, the young man might like to know, if only so he can have a complete familial medical history.

I don’t see how establishing the truth could “ruin” your marriage unless your wife is self-centered and immature. However, rather than suddenly appear out of nowhere, it might be better to reach out to the woman you had the relationship with.

If she concealed the information from her son or from the man who raised him, possibly thinking the boy was his, it could be traumatic for everyone concerned. If you decide to move forward, explain that you think it might be in her son’s best interests.

Dear Abby: My daughter, a widow, started going out with men she meets on dating websites. She has three children; the youngest is 10. She has a job and doesn’t smoke, drink or use drugs. She goes out five to seven times a week.

I have all the responsibility for the children’s care, and I’m feeling overburdened. While I don’t mind doing all these things, I feel taken advantage of. Is it now normal for a mother to go out that much? When she’s home, she’s constantly checking her texts and social media. Please advise. — Used In Texas Dear Used: You are a caring, loving, responsible mother and grandmother. However, you are also an enabler. You are allowing yourself to be used.

Your daughter appears to be centered entirely on herself. It is not “normal” for a mother to be out socializing that often. To ignore her children in favor of social media to the extent that you described is neglectful. You are entitled to a life of your own, so stop doing your daughter’s job as much as you have been and start doing some things for yourself. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother,Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit