Grown child keeps meetings with ex-stepfather a secret

Dear Abby: When I was in my first year of college, my mother divorced my stepdad. “Charlie” was part of my life for 12 years, but since their divorce, she insists I have no contact with him. Charlie visits the state where I now live several times a year to see a friend and invites me to have dinner with him. I do, but because of Mom’s demand, I ask him to keep our time together a secret. If she knew we were in contact, I think she would cut me out of her life.

Growing up, Charlie was a father figure to me — a very important person in my life. Spending time with him is awkward, but it would feel wrong to never see him again. As an adult, I should be able to decide for myself who I stay in contact with. Should I honor my mother’s

wishes and have no more contact with him, or go with my gut and keep him in my life? — Forgive Or Forget Out West

Dear Forgive: Go with your gut. As an adult, you do have the right to choose with whom you associate, and your mother should not be insisting upon it with no explanation.

Dear Abby: I have an etiquette question I can’t find an answer to. My family travels a great deal, and there are always unattended wheelchairs parked around the airport. My teenage brother thinks it’s perfectly fine to get in them and start playing, because

“no one’s using them.” The rest of my family thinks it’s rude to use. How do you view this and how should my parents explain it to him? Thanks. — Claire In Florida

Dear Claire: Assistive devices are not toys, and they should not be played with by those who don’t need to use them. That’s how I view it. Have your parents actually

told your brother “No”? If they have and he does it anyway, it’s time for them to act like parents, make clear that there are consequences for disobedience and follow through.

Dear Abby: My son recently graduated with a master’s degree. He’s a fine young man, did extremely well all through his schooling and has never given his father or me a second of worry. He has not been able to find a job. It’s frustrating for him and discouraging, but we know he will, and we encourage him any way we can.

How do I deal with the barrage of inquiries from neighbors, co-workers and friends who constantly ask if he has found a job yet? It’s none of their business, and I never ask them anything about their families’ employment. Please help. — Missouri Mom

Dear Mom: Say, “When he does, I’ll let you know.” Then change the subject.