Parents barred in school cafeterias

DARIEN, Conn. — After struggling with growing numbers of parents in school cafeterias, the Darien school system said parents and guardians would no longer be welcome to visit with their children during lunch at the town’s elementary schools.

The decision has stirred strong emotions in Darien, a wealthy shoreline community that prides itself on its high-performing public schools. While some parents said it was time to stop a disruptive practice, others have protested at town meetings and in online forums that the change has deprived them of cherished time to check in on their children and model good social behavior.

“It feels like a punch in the gut,” parent Jessica Xu, whose oldest child is in first grade, said in an interview. “I chose the town for the schools. I’m so frustrated the schools don’t want me there.”

Elementary schools generally set their own rules for parent visits, and policies vary widely. Some allow it on children’s birthdays or other special occasions. In some areas, districts say it’s not an issue because parents do not or cannot visit because of work or other obligations.

In a Darien, a town of Colonial-style homes behind stone fences where the median household income exceeds $200,000, so many parents had begun attending lunch that principals felt they were affecting the day-to-day running of the elementary schools, according to Tara Ochman, chairman of the Darien Board of Education. On a typical day, Xu said, six or seven parents were in the cafeteria of her child’s school.

“We believe that schools exist for children, and we work to develop the skills necessary for students to grow into engaged members of society,” Ochman said in a written statement. “We work every day on this mission so that our students embrace their next steps confidently and respectfully.”

The Darien superintendent and elementary school principals declined to comment, but a veteran of school lunchrooms in the nearby town of Weston, Kelly Ann Franzese, said parent visits can be taxing because children get upset when their parents leave and school staff members feel their every move is being scrutinized. Some Weston parents visited their children every week, she said.