Right Scream, Wrong Place, Wrong Time

Missing sandwich could have set the bar

I was walking down the road when the sun set; suddenly, the sky turned as red as blood. I stopped and leaned against the fence, feeling unspeakably tired … shivering with fear. Then I heard the enormous infinite scream of nature.” — Edvard Munch

In July 1969, if I had had the presence of mind to be carrying a tape recorder with me, I would be a rich man today. A scion of Hollywood royalty with names like Steven, Meryl and Leonardo would be blowing up my cellphone. Alas, the fates had other plans for me — but hear my story and judge for yourself. It revolves around the most delicious sandwich ever invented: El Cubano or Cuban sandwich for you culinary education-deprived types out there.

El Cubano Prologue: The Cuban sandwich was invented around 1900 in Tampa, Fla. — in its Ybor City neighborhood — as lunch for its Cuban cigar workers. An authentic, traditional Cuban sandwich consists of thinly sliced roast pork, glazed ham, Genoa salami and Swiss cheese along with dill pickles and yellow mustard, all on Cuban bread with a palmetto leaf on top. The pork and bread were brought to Tampa by Cubans, the ham by Spaniards, the salami by Italians and the mustard and Swiss cheese by German Jews. When the Columbia restaurant opened in Ybor City in 1905, one of its original menu items (and it’s still there) was the Cuban sandwich. It has spread all over Florida and beyond since.

At the start of my story, my grandparents resided in St. Petersburg, which was just across the bay from Tampa. My grandmother was a Cuban sandwich grand master. She would drive over to Tampa and buy La Segunda Central Cuban bread — essential bread or else just don’t bother — and the crusty, yeasty smell would fill her kitchen. It came 3 feet long, then she would expertly slice it exactly down the middle and cut it into four portions. Next, she would add yellow mustard on one half and butter on the other. Then she would layer on the meats and cheese, topped off with the pickle slices, with the final act wrapping the completed work of art in newspaper, secured with a toothpick. When my brother and I would come for visits, they would be awaiting us like a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

Hollywood Exposition: In the 1951 movie Distant Drums starring Gary Cooper, a small band of soldiers is seen crossing a swamp in pursuit of hostile Seminole Indians. While wading through the Everglades, one soldier is dragged under water by an alligator. His last sound as he died was a startled scream. Voiced by actor and later singer Sheb Wooley (of Purple People Eater fame), the sound effect would go on to be used in more than 389 films, including A Star is Born, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Indiana Jones, Toy Story and countless television shows. Called the “Wilhelm scream,” it has been the goto sound effect in Hollywood’s sound stock library for 67 years now. It’s a great scream — but I would be an eyewitness to the actual scream I would like to think the painter Edvard Munch envisioned for his iconic painting.

The Scream Epilogue: Go back to July 1969. My brother and I are visiting our grandparents. We had her famous Cuban sandwiches for lunch and, surprisingly, my brother does not eat his final half-foot section, instead putting it back in the refrigerator for a mid-afternoon finale. While he is napping, our cousin comes over, sees the sandwich, and devours it on the spot while I watch and say nothing. (Don’t judge me unless you have an older brother!) Upon waking, my brother eagerly comes into the kitchen for round two. After watching him desperately search for the sandwich with growing panic, I casually tell him what happened. The resulting scream filled the house, echoing across Tampa Bay, temporarily disorienting several schools of dolphins and greatly stressing one manatee named Snooty. Dogs howled from as far as Orlando. With a recorder, I would be a wealthy man, the famous Wilhelm scream replaced by the Sandwich scream. Well, at least my Cubano was awesome.