Agree to disagree

In this contention-riddled country we’ve created, I’m thankful to have friends, several lifelong, who can disagree politically while not sacrificing our mutual bond. Achieving that has been difficult if not impossible for many Americans as the divisive nature of political rhetoric and stubborn insistence on staunchly partisan positions appears to be steadily building toward some form of ominous crescendo. So many apparently have decided their purpose for existence is to staunchly defend a single, self-interested ideology rather than appreciating the principles behind the hardwon freedoms upon which history’s most benevolent nation was founded. Selling out to a restrictive brand of political thinking rather than reasoning truths critically for one’s own benefit seems to have become a preoccupation with many. I’ve made myself listen more in a sincere attempt to understand why friends whose perceptions differ from my own hold the beliefs they do, even if they choose not to give me the same benefit. You could say I’ve chosen to value friendships over any ego-fueled need to assert my perceived rightness versus their wrongness. In that respect, Thomas Aquinas in the 13th century spoke enduring truth when he advised there’s nothing more to be prized than true friendship. My lifelong friend Danny Timbrook of Harrison is a prime example. Despite differing political views, and although we can clash heatedly to the point of shouting, sometimes even cursing, when it’s over we also can laugh, hug and lay graying heads on our pillows that evening remaining close friends. While we hold our beliefs rooted in personal backgrounds and experiences, we each realize we won’t change things one whit with our disagreements. All the tempesting in doll-sized teacups amounts to nothing more than the hollow follies of two wild-eyed blatherers (and occasional cursers) who might as well be bellowing at the ocean. We each also understand our friendship is far more important than emotional moments spent in futile hopes of winning an argument. Nothing that shallow could justify needlessly sacrificing more than 50 years of friendship over the cesspool that sadly has become American politics. That hearkens to what the late prophet Khalil Gibran when when he said friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity. There are other friends with whom I disagree politically, including my respected doctor, two golfing buddies, a restaurant owner, my good-natured optometrist, and even a former judge. I continue to like and admire each of them. And our disagreements regularly end in mutual teasing and laughter rather than lingering animosity. Such partisan rancor among Americans today is palpable. It’s become especially convenient in a world where social media makes it simple to plop down at a kitchen table in one’s bathrobe to share or fire off angry spewing in a knee-jerk reaction to partial truths and agenda-laden baitings. That kind of behavior comes from our darker angels reacting to an opportunity to argue behind the safety of a keyboard rather than face-to-face. I’ve vowed to do better in that arena too, regardless of how tempting it is. Actually facing longtime friends who don’t share my views is a far different matter. I repeatedly ask myself whether a disagreement about matters over which we have no control (except our single vote) is worth possibly losing close and valuable associations created over the years. Wordsmith Henry David Thoreau, when he wasn’t setting trotlines or gigging frogs on Walden Pond back in 1845, also assured us the language of friendship lies not in words but in meanings. So today, when I spend time with those I admire as friends, my mindset is not to try and convince them my thoughts are the most significant. I know I’m certainly never always right. I also recognize the destructive folly in such an approach compared with living together in relative unity as those fortunate enough to be American citizens. I look for opportunities within our exchanges to laugh without diminishing them or their thoughts, then we move forward, likely to another disagreement. When my moment arrives to draw the inevitable final breath, I’ll realize it was the respect and affection arising from these friendships that truly mattered. The politicians and their self-seeking, often corrupted, agendas in both parties also will come and go along with everything else in life. George Washington warned of the grave, divisive dangers to our republic because of blind, often irrational, allegiances to power-hungry political parties. That time is upon us. The late Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. was never more on target when he said love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. He mentioned nothing about the negative results created by trying to outshout or out-hate each other. Try to imagine how much we could learn and benefit by grasping such a truthful and profound message.