There’s a way to say it

Re polite cussing: My demure 85-year-old mom used “gracious things.” She explained she had been raised to always say that when departing a soiree. She later used it on numerous occasions, usually raising puzzled brows.

My personal favorite was coined during an excursion through the bowels of Blanchard Caverns. We trudged up, down and through the eye-popping stalactites, stalagmites and other assorted wonders. Each of these marvels were announced in a grating 5- or 6-year-old soprano screech. This child “educated” us on a myriad of topics. Did you know you can remember how to differentiate which stuff grows from the cave floor up and which from the ceiling down? T for top, M for muck.

This nonstop travelogue continued for what seemed like hours but came to a screeching announcement when the group arrived at a placard placed next to a huge pile of ancient bat excrement easily the size of half a dozen VW Beetles.

Curious as to how our child guide would choose to enlighten us, we turned in rapt attention for several seconds until she screamed, “Mommy, lookey! Great, shimmering mounds of old bat … uhh. Guano.”

Feel free to appropriate this whenever possible to inject into any startling or amazing situation. “Guano” or a more common appellation may be used depending on cohorts’ couth or prissiness.

After attaining room temperature over 10 years ago, I can still hear her voice echoing in wonder at any unlikely tale, “Great shimmering mounds,” etc.

DICK PRICE

Little Rock