Invitations from friend are declined for safety reasons

Dear Abby: I have a former co-worker whose husband was just released from a psychiatric facility. He had threatened to kill himself and take the entire family with him. I met him before the incident. He did not seem balanced then.

Since his release, my friend keeps inviting me to their house and wants to come to mine. I keep making excuses. I still have a bad feeling about him. I have been in abusive relationships in the past, and one attack was nearly fatal.

I have spoken to her about the dangers of being with a person like him. But she says she can’t leave because they have three children on the spectrum. Am I being silly? — Apprehensive In Texas Dear Apprehensive: No, you are not being silly. Listen to your gut. Nowhere in your letter did you indicate that you and the wife are close friends. If you are uncomfortable being around her husband, you do not have to be.

Dear Abby: I recently did a DNA test using a kit through a genealogy company. I discovered that one of the features is that the website shows people with whom I share DNA.

I’m interested in trying to strike up conversations with these people (most of my matches are distant cousins), but I’m at a loss for how to begin. I have tried mentioning common family connections, but haven’t gotten anywhere with that approach.

Do you have any advice you can share with me about how to start a conversation? — Curious In Canada

Dear Curious: What you should do is tell these people that your DNA test results showed that you may be related, and ask if the person is willing to share information. However, if they do not respond, don’t follow up.

Dear Abby: We have a dear friend, a widower, whom we invite to dinner frequently because he is alone. Usually these invitations include other guests.

Our articulate friend has the most annoying habit of blowing his nose at the table into one of my cloth napkins. It is disgusting, not only to me, but to the other guests as well. What can I do to make him stop? I tried

placing a small box of tissues next to his dinner plate, but he ignores them. I don’t even like to re-use the napkin after it has been washed, particularly for guests. — Turned Off At The Table

Dear Turned Off: Because you tried the subtle approach and it didn’t work,

tell this impolite widower that you placed the box of tissues near him so he would stop using your napkins as handkerchiefs. Frankly, it is considered rude to blow one’s nose at the table at all because it’s gross. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit