Dad’s refusal to acknowledge illness puts nephews at risk

Dear Abby: My father is in his 70s and lives close by. My brother and his family live across the country. Dad has smoked for more than 60 years, and an incident with his high blood pressure landed him in the hospital. He’s supposed to be on medication, but he refuses it.

He claims his hobby of playing the trumpet keeps his lungs healthy and recent changes in his diet have solved the blood pressure issues. Neither of these things seem likely to me, and he has not been back to the doctor. He hides his condition from everyone. I know only because I was the one who was called when he went to the hospital.

My brother recently told me Dad is planning to take my teenage nephews camping at a fairly remote location. When I told Dad to tell my brother about his conditions so he could make an informed decision about the safety of the trip, or prepare my nephews in case something happened, Dad went through the roof! He insists that I have no business sharing his medical information.

I have to tell my brother if Dad won’t, but if I do, I’m sure I’ll never get more information, and Dad will quit talking to me altogether. Is there any way around this that I’m not seeing? — Levelheaded Daughter In Detroit

Dear Daughter: The safety of your brother’s children is paramount. Your father does not have the right to place them at risk, which he will because of his carelessness about his health situation. Your father may not like it, but it is imperative that you warn your brother so he can make an informed decision about whether to allow an unsupervised camping trip with Grandpa.

Dear Abby: After I had emergency surgery, I was moved to another location in my work department. I met a wonderful man and we found we had a lot in common. We fell in love.

He is married; I am not. He is loving and considerate as much as he can be. I love him, but I feel terrible about our situation. I feel it is unfair. I need more than he can give to me.

I know I have messed up. I’d like to remain friends, but that’s all. How do I tell him? I don’t want to have drama on the job. I have been applying for other jobs. I thought that it would solve the problem. — Unfair Situation Dear Unfair: Remaining “just friends” may not be realistic. Tell this wonderful young man the affair is over because it wasn’t fair to you or his wife. Once you have secured another job, give your employer two weeks notice and get out of there.