Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette
Slovenly lifestyle could be a relationship deal breaker
Dear Abby: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. We have pretty much decided to tie the knot. The only thing holding me back is his hygiene.
When we met, he wasn’t all that into showering and using deodorant. He has started to shower daily and wear deodorant, but he still doesn’t brush his teeth.
His apartment is my biggest nightmare. It is filled with opened delivery boxes, beard trimmings are all over the bathroom, and a pink ring of death is in his shower, etc.
Is this a make-or-break situation? We get along in so many other ways. — Hygiene’s The Problem
Dear H.T.P.: I’m glad you asked. Yes, this is a make-orbreak situation, and it needs to be resolved before you sign up with this “cellmate” for life. While I appreciate his making the effort to shower as a step in the right direction, his lack of attention to his dental health is a cause for worry. Decaying teeth and periodontal disease can cause serious health problems.
If you think his living conditions are a turn-off now, consider how they’ll affect you if you marry him. If you really love him, draw the line now, and perhaps it will put him on the right path. Better late than never.
Dear Abby: My boyfriend of several years financially supports his parents for cultural reasons. It was expected of him from an early age because he is the only child, and he intends to support them for the rest of their days.
Not only does he pay their mortgage and provide a sizable monthly allowance, but I have just learned that he is paying off all of the debts his father has accumulated over the years as well. Combine this with his massive school loan repayments and it’s unlikely he will have enough to be able to retire, let alone for us to have children.
I am at the age where if I am going to have kids, it needs to be within the next few years. I love him dearly, but I’m wondering if I should stay with him, knowing that his parents will eventually need to live with us for the rest of their lives. Even questioning this
is making me feel guilty and selfish. (By the way, he has told me he would have proposed by now but couldn’t afford a ring as all of his discretionary income goes to his parents.) Advice? — Getting Resentful
Dear Resentful: Have you told your boyfriend how you feel? If you haven’t discussed it with him, you should. He sounds like a caring and dutiful son. However, unless you intend to join him in becoming a childless indentured servant to his parents, end the relationship.