As your president …

This is my platform.

1. Income Inequality. Tax rates on marginal (tippy-top of their money piles) income from 60 percent for “absurd” to 90 percent for “obscene,” aka “you gotta be kidding me.” 1a. Details by a committee of Warren Buffett, his secretary, John Brummett, Bradley Gitz, a panhandler, and others at each income level. Committee meets at center court in Bud Walton Arena with play-by-play and commentary by Bill Walton and Dick Vitale. 1b. Proceeds help fund my, or President Warren’s, priorities.

2. Health Care. Bring back Barack and his crew, plus Michelle. Ask Canada.

3. Climate Change. It’s happening, people. Get your heads out. Al Gore, Al Gore, Al Gore. And, duh … Ralph Nader. He’s only 85.

4. Immigration. Put AOC in charge of ICE. Ask Canada. 4a. Seriously, an American Confederation for our hemisphere similar to the European Union. You heard it here first. Probably why I won’t win. But it’s out there now. Think about it.

5. Foreign Policy. Less shootin’, bombin’ and embargoin’; more kissin’ and huggin’. Secretary of State Fareed Zakaria. Bill and Hillary? Oprah? Ellen? Ask Canada.

6. Nukes in Iran, North Korea and anybody that wants them and has money to burn. There are no bad nukes, just bad people with nukes. So everybody should have them. Might as well let our military industrial complex (Eisenhower, 1961) get a bigger piece of that action than it already has. 6a. Not!

This is hard. I’m taking a break now. HOWELL MEDDERS Fayetteville