Friend frets that woman living at home is missing out on life

Dear Abby: I’m having trouble with a friend, “Julie.” She is 29, still a virgin and lives at home. I never thought much about it but, as the years go by, her living arrangements have become more front and center.

I’m in a meaningful relationship and recently bought my first home. Julie shows no interest in dating or moving out of her parents’ home. She says living at home is a “cultural” thing.

Her constant complaints about her job, money and wanting a place of her own are getting annoying. She says moving out would be “tedious” because she would then have to budget. She doesn’t cook, clean or do anything to help out around the house.

I know she can live her life as she pleases, but I’m getting tired of seeing her miss out on fun and challenging life chapters. How should I respond when she complains about things she has the power to change? I know I could tell it to her “like it is,” but I also know it would end our friendship. Is there a better mindset I could have about someone like her? — Annoyed In Texas

Dear Annoyed: You cannot change another person. When Julie complains about things she has the power to change, your response should be that she can change them if she puts her mind to it. Understand that you can’t live Julie’s life for her, so appreciate her for the good qualities in her that you admire.

As to your mindset, recognize that your life is changing. As yours progresses because of circumstances, you and Julie may have less in common and grow apart. That’s life.

Dear Abby: For months I have been trying to convince my family (I am under 18) to allow me to go on the pill. No matter how I explain it to them, they always find a way to refuse or put it off. Doctors and therapists have also talked to them, but they refuse to budge. I have been sexually active, and the pill would decrease the stress of becoming pregnant. What should I do? — Stressed Teen Dear Teen: Because you didn’t mention your age or whether you have a steady boyfriend, your parents may be worried that giving their permission will signal approval of your sexual activity. However, in most states teens are allowed to get birth control at their nearest Planned Parenthood Health Center or from their doctor without parental permission. Because you are concerned about being safe, do some research and find out for yourself. Keep in mind that the pill will not protect you from getting an STD.