Transgender woman strives to preserve marriage to wife

Dear Abby: I am a transgender female who is working on my marriage to my wife of 41 years. I started my transition in 2011.

We have two sons and eight beautiful grandchildren. All of them know about my transition, and my family also knows. What I need now is some advice to help our marriage. We are strongly committed to working on it. — Real Me In Ohio Dear Real You: Many couples choose to stay together and keep their marriage intact when one partner transitions. You and your wife can find support at the nearest LGBT center that offers couples counseling. If there isn’t one in your community, check the nearest large city to where you live.

You and your wife should also reach out to the Straight Spouse Network, which has been mentioned in my column before. This group was started in 1986 by Amity Pierce Buxton, Ph.D., and its mission is to build bridges of understanding for couples of mixed sexual orientation or gender variance. The website is straightspouse.org.

Dear Abby: I have two adult children who both live out of state. I’m close to my son but have been estranged from my daughter and grandchildren for almost 20 years.

I have not explained this situation to anyone. My friends know and, thankfully, they haven’t asked. My co-workers, however, want to

know about my family. I have tried giving them generic information, but a couple of them are busybodies. What can I say to deter their questions without being rude? — Complicated In Virginia

Dear Complicated: This situation is more common than many people realize, and the best way to stop nosy people from repeatedly asking questions would simply be to say, “We are estranged.” Period. If someone is so insensitive as to question why, you are free to say you prefer not to discuss it.

Dear Abby: What would you say about a married man who cultivates online friendships with young women? He is in contact with one of them every hour, calling or texting. Mostly it is innocent, but there are very warm texts

that include “kisses” icons.

He does not hide this from his wife. He tells her he is enjoying communication with a young, beautiful woman. He says it is just a game and he has no feelings for them. He only loves his wife. Do you think this kind of communication is acceptable? — Trivial Flirt In Russia Dear Trivial Flirt: I don’t think so. The husband may not be cheating in the classic sense, but calling and texting is disrespectful to the wife, and also to the young women who may not understand that it’s just a game.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren,also known as Jeanne Phillips,and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit www.DearAbby.com