Mom in dating game ponders trading attraction for security

Dear Abby: I’m a 40-yearold single mom of two girls. I’ve dated a few men, but haven’t found one who fulfills my “wish list.”

The last man I was interested in seemed like he had possibilities. There was a strong mutual attraction. However, because of his recent divorce and emotional struggles, it became apparent that we wouldn’t work out. It was disappointing, but we are still friends and talk daily.

I have begun dating a very nice man with whom I have a lot in common. He’s very successful, and we get along well. He is also very attracted to me. If things continue to go well and it develops into a long-term relationship, he would provide a very comfortable life for my children and me.

The problem is, I’m not very attracted to him. I continue to see him because it seems we may be compatible, and I enjoy spending time with him, but is it wrong to be disappointed that I don’t feel “fireworks”?

After feeling so much chemistry with a man I was madly attracted to, it’s difficult to be in this position. It’s next to impossible to find someone who possesses every single quality I want. How do I break down these barriers that I’m putting in front of him? — No Sparks

In Oregon Dear No Sparks: I can’t guarantee this will work, but a giant step in the right direction might be to stop

talking every day with the man you are so attracted to. You do not appear to have him out of your system. Until that happens, no one is going to measure up.

Dear Abby: I was born in the mountains of western North Carolina, but I have been obsessed with the beach since I was a toddler. I am an empty nester and retired. My husband and I would like to move to Florida. The problem is, I am heartbroken to leave my mother. She’s getting older, and we are very close.

She has given me her blessing, as she knows the winters here make me miserable. The thing is, I will miss her terribly. We can video chat and visit often, but I can’t shake my guilt over leaving her.

My brother lives close by and will take care of her if she needs anything (she lives independently) and keep her company, and she has a friend she spends time with. Am I being unreasonable? Or am I being completely selfish? It feels wrong to leave her. — Tortured Daughter In The South

Dear Tortured: Your mother has given you her blessing. Take her up on it with a light heart. And during the winter months, invite her to come and stay with you. That way you won’t feel guilty, and she might enjoy the warmer weather.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren,also known as Jeanne Phillips,and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit www.DearAbby.com