Managing up

The ins and outs of helping parents financially

While most parents in the U.S. provide some sort of financial support to their adult children, sometimes the financial aid goes the other way.

A 2015 survey by TD Ameritrade found 13% of American adults provided financial support to a parent. Millennials were far more likely than older generations to report they were helping their folks.

Sometimes the money is provided without issue by those following cultural norms or personal conviction that they owe it to their parents. Other times, financial aid to parents is a source of tension.

If you’re supporting a parent or think you may in the future, the following steps could help make the balancing act a bit easier.

1 Partners If you’re married or in a committed relationship, it helps to get on the same page about how much you’re willing and able to give. Brainstorm different scenarios, such as emergency expenses or long-term care. If you’re not clear what you can afford, a consultation with a financial planner could help. If you don't have a partner, talking to a trusted friend or a financial planner can help you clarify what you can offer and when.

2 Parents Just over half of the people supporting parents in the TD Ameritrade survey had ever talked with them about it. Financial planners say that understanding the parents’ financial situation can help you prepare, and might also provide an opportunity for you to reduce their need for your help. You could help them budget, give them a session with a financial planner or check Benefits.gov for assistance programs. You also can let them know how much help you can afford to provide.

3 Siblings Talk to your siblings, if you have them. Even if they can’t contribute financially, they may be able to help in other ways: running errands, taking parents to the doctor, handling bill paying and other paperwork, or providing respite care.

4 Yourself Consider if you may have to delay retirement, buying a house or having kids to support your parents. Many people do, according to the survey. But you should have a plan to eventually reach your own goals. Unlike your parents, you may have only yourself to rely on when you’re older.