Of Hogs and hash

Reminder: Neither a food critic nor sportswriter am I. All I offer today are opinions about a nationally hyped new restaurant and our beloved Razorbacks. Thus, let us begin.

My heart goes out to this year’s hapless Razorbacks and the sudden (but justifiable) dismissal of Head Coach Chad Morris. Many of us didn’t expect the axe to fall until a year from now. But it’s just as well Athletic Director Hunter Yurachek acted to replace Morris, with two likely SEC losses remaining in yet another forlorn season, so not to once again fall behind the recruiting 8-ball.

No one knows who the new coach will be, and that’s understandable with the 2019 season still underway. but I won’t be surprised in when the smoke clears in weeks ahead to see either Mike Norville of Memphis, Mike Leach of Washington State or Sam Pittman of Georgia, perhaps even long shots Gus Malzahn of Auburn or Houston Nutt selected as the latest head Hog.

Morris gave the Arkansas opportunity his best shot. But his family still in Texas and him flying back and forth regularly during the season to watch his son play quarterback during his senior year of high school didn’t pass the eye test with many fans, especially when his players too often seemed ill-prepared in various ways for the brutal SEC West (as they did last year and several years before he arrived).

With ticket sales and attendance plummeting, I can only imagine how bad things could have become when next fall rolled around had the obvious lack of competitiveness and resulting regrettable losses continued.

Most I talk with pretty much agree when analyzing the bottom line behind our continuing football woes: Arkansas has fallen too low in the pecking order of SEC recruiting talent to rise to where we hope to be.

Other SEC schools have been actively filled those uppermost levels and it shows. Our slide began in earnest when former Athletic Director Jeff Long fired head coach Bobby Petrino for Petrino’s indiscretions.

A good and decent man and coach, Morris got baptized in college football’s toughest conference (as did his predecessor Bret Bielema) and even by embarrassing losses from sub-conference teams. Had his efforts reflected improvement on the field, even to as many as four or five wins this season, I believe he’d have bought a third year. But after Western Kentucky rolled into our house (using the Hogs’ former quarterback) to humble the Razorbacks, it was clear we were strolling along the wrong path.

Hopefully, one day we will have a no-nonsense winning head coach minus the flip-flops or “Club Dubs” who not only understands the SEC West, but surrounds himself with assistants who can re-instill Razorback passions and the fundamentals that include effective tackling, blocking, opening holes, timing, avoiding killer penalties, protecting the quarterback, catching passes, holding blocks, sealing the edges and playing pass defense that doesn’t allow receivers a free 12-yard catch before getting in their face. You know, the same stuff we were coached to do in junior high and high school.

Failing that, and an ability to reignite the Razorback fighting spirit, I fear more of what we’ve been witnessing for years.

Expected more

Since Paula Deen is a national celebrity in the universe of home cooking and family fare, I joined thousands of others in eagerly awaiting her late-summer grand opening at Branson Landing. I fancied mouth-watering comfort cuisine the likes of which I’d not experienced even at a hash-slinging Cracker Barrel.

Such hopes were far from mine alone. Because tens of thousands of Arkansans annually visit Branson and The Landing, the grand opening of Paula Deen’s Family Kitchen was widely anticipated.

Here’s an honest assessment of what I found in search of a memorable inaugural dinner meal there.

Following a late-afternoon, 40-minute wait, we discovered from the menu there are only two choices for a family-style meal. One features two meats and four sides for $21.99 each. The other allows three choices for $22.99. The fare was familiar: Fried chicken, meatloaf, catfish, chicken fried pork chops, spare ribs, chicken and dumplings and pot roast. The four sides we selected from a dozen choices arrived in smallish bowls that, with the entrees, can be refilled.

But taking any leftovers to go is, well, a no-go except for dessert choice between cobbler, banana pudding or our choice, Ooey Gooey Butter Cake for dessert, which was pleasant enough, though neither ooey nor gooey.

We could forget ordering a single meal or entree. Lunch offered the same family-style menu priced at either $17.99 or $19.99, plus $2.99 drinks. That could total a $50 lunch for two with drinks, tax and tip, or a minimum of about $26 for a single. There also is a choice of three appetizers (not included), each in the $9 range. Children’s meals run about half of adult prices. The ambience (such as it was) resembled a vast, tastefully appointed cafeteria.

After waiting months for this much-touted home of down-home Southern cuisine, I considered Paula’s family offering to be only slightly above average overall, and expensive. Since that visit, I’ve heard at least a dozen other locals who visited the restaurant echo my observations. Our bill for a dinner of catfish, pot roast and fried chicken with tea, taxes and tip came to about $60.

With the grand-opening hoopla and newness worn off, I predict the primary traffic for Paula’s newest place over time will come from bus tourists lured by the name and the novelty of having said they visited Deen’s down-home kitchen while in Branson.

Now go out into the world this week and treat everyone you meet exactly like you want them to treat you.

Mike Masterson is a longtime Arkansas journalist, was editor of three Arkansas dailies and headed the master’s journalism program at Ohio State University. Email him at mmasterson@arkansasonline.com.