Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette
Virus outbreak adds to funerals’ sadness
Social distancing guidelines keeping mourners few, far between
LEXINGTON, S.C. — The coronavirus outbreak, stay-athome orders and the rules of social distancing are dramatically altering the way families and communities mourn the passing of loved ones.
No one stands in line to embrace the widow and share memories of her husband of 50 years. No rows of family and friends file toward the flag-draped coffin to pay their last respects.
Instead, a handful of people are scattered across one chapel row as if they’re strangers, not blood. White roses are pinned to empty chairs, representing those who couldn’t be there. An iPad on a tripod livestreams the service for people stuck at home across state lines.
“This is going to be a different experience for all of us,” the minister tells the half-dozen people gathered at a South Carolina funeral home to celebrate the life of J. Robert Coleman, an Army veteran, husband to Gloria, father to three sons and grandfather to three children. “But one thing that will be common is that as we conduct this service today, we’re going to open with a prayer.”
“It’s hard enough to lose a loved one, but then to have the traditions that usually bring comfort at a time like this seemingly not available just kind of compounds the grief that families feel,” said Justin Baxley, of Woodridge Memorial Park & Funeral Home.
Like most funeral homes, Woodridge is limiting the number of people allowed for services. Many families find it hard to choose which loved ones will be invited to the in-person gathering and which will be relegated to watch via livestream, if at all.
But Coleman’s family said in their case, travel restrictions because of the virus and the nature of their small, close-knit family made following the fewer-than-10people mandate simple. John Coleman said those who mattered most to his dad were there — his wife, Gloria, and his sons. The only one missing was his beloved dog, Bandit.
Robert Coleman died suddenly last week. One of his sons found him at home in Columbia. The family said he went peacefully, possibly of a heart attack, but because the 69-year-old had complained of chest pain the day before, he was tested for covid-19.
Days later, the test came back negative. But regardless of the cause of death, funerals still must abide by rules aimed at preventing any possible exposure to the virus.
At Woodridge Memorial Park, a bottle of hand sanitizer and a sign asking guests to kindly refrain from handshaking now sit beside the guestbook. Chairs are spaced apart. Much of the funeral planning among family and staff is done via video chat. And the demand for livestreaming services has skyrocketed.
At Coleman’s funeral, most of his family chose to sit in the front row, but a sisterin-law, citing social distance, made her way alone to the back. During the service, Gloria Coleman cried and pulled down her sunglasses, hiding her eyes. With the chairs separated, her sons couldn’t reach out to comfort her.
The family followed the casket outside, where two uniformed soldiers waited to honor Coleman’s service to his country — a ritual usually held inside, but moved to follow guidelines. A bugler played taps, and Gloria Coleman accepted a folded American flag.
John Coleman said the family had to plan the funeral while watching headlines about the novel coronavirus, and he doesn’t want to live in fear — that’s why he invited The Associated Press to document their grieving.
He’ll send the recording of the service to his dad’s buddies from working for decades in the aerospace industry.