Woman questions why man won’t pull trigger on divorce

Dear Abby: I am recently separated. I have been seeing a 45-year-old man who is also separated, but not divorced. We have been a couple for about a year.

When his wife (who has also been seeing someone else) found out we were seeing each other, it got ugly. She came to our place of employment (her ex and I work in the same place) and tried to get me fired. She was unsuccessful, so she tried to get physical. She told me she is his wife and said she tells him what to do, and she “owns him.” At that point I had to stop seeing him.

After a month apart, we hooked back up. We go out together. The sex is amazing.

He told me he has never felt like this nor has he ever introduced anyone to his daughter. We are taking things slower, but I am falling in love.

He tells me he misses me when we are intimate and how grateful he is for me, but it isn’t enough. I want more, but I don’t want to scare him away. Is this a dead end? Should I be patient, or should I just walk away? — It’s Complicated In The East

Dear Complicated: I have to wonder why, after a year, you are not in the process of being divorced. You also need some straight answers about what keeps this man under his wife’s thumb. The woman appears to have serious mental issues. Is the reason financial? Emotional? Once you know, you will have a better idea of what to do.

I am troubled by the fact that your boyfriend’s wife is so volatile. As it stands, that woman is controlling not only him but also you, and that’s not healthy.

Dear Abby: I was raised in a very strict household. At 19, I left home and never looked back. I am 54, and own my own home.

My father moved in with me after my mother passed because he didn’t like living alone. The problem is, he still thinks I should abide by his rules.

I have a boyfriend who spends the night. Dad demands that he sleep in the guest bedroom. He told he that if he doesn’t, he will not talk to my boyfriend.

I have told my father that I am a grown woman and that I refuse to give up my freedom to accommodate him. This is my home. How should I handle this? — All Grown Up In Arkansas

Dear All Grown: If you knuckle under to your dad’s demands, you are making a big mistake. Sit him down, “remind” him that you are no longer a little girl and if he cannot accept that you are an adult and be respectful to your boyfriend, he will no longer be welcome to live under your roof. Do not try to placate him or you will be living the rest of your father’s life in a second childhood, and it won’t be a happy one.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren,also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O.Box 69440,Los Angeles,CA 90069 or visit