Unequal division of housework puts marriage on bad path

Dear Abby: I have been married for seven years and have two beautiful children. My husband and I both work full-time, yet I do almost all of the household chores. I have asked him repeatedly to help ease my workload and stress by dividing the chores equitably, but my requests are met minimally and temporarily. This has caused arguments and resentment.

He says, “You and I value different things,” or, “This isn’t what I want to focus on at home,” or, “Your standards are too high and have negatively impacted your relationship with our kids.” I do ask our kids to clean up. I want them to be active members of this household, and this is how I was raised.

It’s putting a strain on my marriage and affecting my feelings toward my husband.

Do I need to let this go? Or are my priorities misplaced?

— Out Of Balance In Rhode Island Dear Out Of Balance:

From your husband’s perspective, why should he have to help with the housework if he can jawbone you into doing the lion’s share? Perhaps you should offer him a choice — participate more or someone will have to be hired to take some of the burden off your shoulders.

As to your children, please stick to your guns. It is important they master basic housekeeping skills so that when they become adults, they will be able to take care of themselves.

Dear Abby: I was happily married to the same woman for 51 years. “Jane” was married 42 years to the same man. We were both widowed. We hooked up and were enjoying our time together, but after about three years it all changed.

Jane has started falsely accusing me of having affairs with other women. The last two she accused me of being involved with I don’t even know. The accusations have been coming more frequently. One day she’s fine; the next day she is accusing me.

Jane doesn’t like vulgar language, but when she’s accusing me of communicating with these women, she uses words that would make a sailor blush! A researcher’s first guess was the early stages of Alzheimer’s. I know she is paranoid, but why?

— Hates The Change In North Carolina

Dear Hates: A personality change such as you have described can be a symptom of Alzheimer’s disease, but it can also be caused by small strokes and other dementias. Jane’s paranoia could also be a symptom of a physical illness. If she has family, it is very important that you inform them about what’s happening so they — and you — can encourage her to be evaluated physically and neurologically. If you do, it might save not only her life but also your sanity.