Man’s unsure mental health clouds vision of the future

Dear Abby: I recently started dating again after ending a very difficult marriage. I am guarding my heart for fear of getting hurt.

I have met someone but some things concern me. He has been hospitalized for mental health in the past. He’s constantly saying, “I’m sorry I’m so screwed up” or remarking about being “crazy.” He mentions his depression almost daily. He just can’t seem to move past his issues.

I feel like he doesn’t want to move forward. I have lived with depression for most of my life, but it doesn’t define me. If I don’t respond to his calls or messages right away, he gets hurt and assumes I’m mad at him.

Am I being overly cautious or should I take a step back? I would like to see a future

with him, but I’m not sure he is ready. — Guarded Heart Dear Guarded Heart:

You are not being overly cautious. You are asking yourself intelligent, insightful questions. Is this man still being treated for his issues? If not, he should be encouraged to talk with a licensed mental health professional not only about his depression, but also his lack of self-esteem.

I would have to say he needs a friend now more than a romance, so take plenty of time if you proceed in this relationship. If he makes progress, see where things lead. If not, it might be better for you to find someone who is stronger.

Dear Abby: I have been in a six-year relationship. About two years into it, I found out that “Wayne” was separated, but not divorced, from his wife of 20 years. That is not the issue. They live together and do things as a married couple. The wife and I have met several times, and I have gone to his children’s graduation parties and family weddings.

He has told me every year that this is the year he will file for divorce, but it still hasn’t happened. I don’t believe they are intimate. Their children are adults, so there is nothing keeping them together. He tells me he can’t live without me, but his actions have proven otherwise. Do you think they are in an open marriage? Is there any hope for our future together? — Wasting Time

In Massachusetts

Dear Wasting Time: Not at the rate you are going. I suspect the reason Wayne hasn’t followed through with a divorce may be financial. He and his wife may also like things the way they are because they can maintain their social life, he’s comfortable at home and he has you to sleep with, which may be a relief to her. You have my sympathy, but I think you have invested enough time. This is unfair to you. This romance was based on dishonesty on his part, and you deserve more than you have been getting.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren,also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O.Box 69440,Los Angeles,CA 90069 or visit