Man’s indecision puts his marriage on shaky ground

Dear Abby: My husband and I came to a place where we both needed to decide whether we wanted to continue in our marriage. We went to counseling. I pursued my own personal growth, trying new things I was interested in and finding gratitude and happiness in my interests and career. My husband did the same thing.

I have moved past it, forgiven, told my husband I love him. He said he needs more time, and I’m free to do what I want. I want my husband, and I want him to want me back. What do I do? I take good care of myself and have a healthy sex drive. Sex happens rarely. I end up rejected more often than not. He also had an emotional affair with a woman, but he thinks I made too much of it. That was about 18 months ago. Help, please. — Uncoupling In Canada

Dear Uncoupling: Going off and being independent may have been the wrong path to take. Your husband appears to have disconnected from you, both physically and emotionally. When he went off and “tried things he was interested in,” among the things he tried may have been the affair.

If you continue waiting for your husband to make up his mind, you could be sitting in limbo for years. You are entitled to a life. Now may be time to make one for yourself.

Dear Abby: For the past year my sister has been involved with a guy who lives with her and her 4-year-old son. Before he moved in, my sister, my mom and I had a decent relationship. Since this boyfriend has come into the picture, our relationship has become strained. He doesn’t work, doesn’t like her son, and she pays for everything. Whatever he says, logical or not, she does it.

Recently, my nephew’s father reached out to me because she hasn’t let him see their son. When I asked my sister why, she had no reasonable explanation. Now she won’t even let the family see my nephew. What should I do? — Mad In Maryland

Dear Mad: Your sister’s boyfriend has succeeded in isolating her, and it is a very dangerous red flag. This is what abusers do, and you should worry not only about her, but also her son, whom the boyfriend doesn’t like. Could they be hiding the child because he has bruises?

If the boy’s father has been contributing financially, he may, with the help of a lawyer, be able to exert enough influence to get his visitation back. Please suggest it.

For now, all you can do is tell your sister you are concerned for her well-being. Tell her you are also concerned for the child and that no matter what, you will be there for them. She needs to hear it. If necessary, contact child protective services.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit