Disapproval of pregnancy becomes permanent rift

Dear Abby: I became pregnant with my second child in 2013. It was not well-received, particularly by my grandmother and aunt-in-law. They said things like, “We love you, but we’re embarrassed and ashamed.” My grandmother said some particularly cruel things.

I was angry. I swore at her after she accused me of “using” my partner of 10 years to get pregnant. I wasn’t asking for a blessing. Just unconditional love from this God-fearing woman.

Fast-forward to now: My grandmother still resents me. She says it’s because I’ve “sullied our family name.” Now my uncle is blaming me for her poor health! I have forgiven her, but when I took my kids to her house, she slammed the door in our faces. I’m at a loss about how to fix this. Should I say, “So long, farewell”? What can I do? — Giant Mess In Pennsylvania

Dear Mess: The person responsible for your grandmother’s poor health isn’t you — it’s her. It’s not unheard of for people who hang onto anger and resentment to make themselves sick. That she would slam the door in the faces of her great-grandchildren is reprehensible.

You haven’t sullied the family name, and you cannot fix this alone. The healthiest thing you and your kids can do is move forward and don’t look back.

Dear Abby: My family and I are planning a gettogether. Our younger brother has a new girlfriend who was introduced to everyone at the last get-together.

That day, one sister mentioned a political proposition that was up for a vote. The new girlfriend kept repeating “No politics!” every time my sister started talking about it. We think it was very rude.

Now the new girlfriend will be in my home, and I am sure politics will be a topic of conversation. My family likes discussing current events. How should this be handled so as to not offend and distance our brother’s new girlfriend, but allow us to continue having conversations that are meaningful to us as a family? — Outspoken

In Florida

Dear Outspoken: Someone, preferably your brother, should have a chat with this woman before the next family gathering and make clear that your family enjoys talking about current events — politics included — and she does not have the right to dictate what you talk about. If the subject makes her uncomfortable, she should either move to another room or skip the event. This does not have to be said unkindly, but the rest of you should not be expected to grovel to her.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit www.DearAbby.com